Posts tagged sollux

FUCKING SNOW WAS WHAT WAS OUTSIDE. SNOW. ON THE FIRST OF MAY.

AND IT DIDN’T STOP ALL NIGHT, OH NO. I HAD TO LISTEN TO LIMBS BREAKING FROM THE WEIGHT UNTIL *DAWN*. IT SOUNDED LIKE A BUNCH OF BACKWOODS HICKS SHOOTING SKEET OUTSIDE MY WINDOW IN BETWEEN BREAKS TO EAT MORE POOP AND METH SANDWICHES.

YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW MINNESOTA, I DIDN’T SIGN UP TO SPEND GODDAMN FIMBULWINTER IN THIS GOD-FORSAKEN SHITHOLE OF A STATE. NEXT THING THE MOSQUITOES WILL BE WEARING TINY PARKAS. THE TWO MOST SHITTY THINGS ABOUT LIVING HERE WILL FINALLY BE ABLE TO COEXIST RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW AND I WILL LOSE MY MIND FOREVER.

what, that ha2nt happened yet?

BELIEVE ME, CAPTOR. YOU’LL KNOW.

I’m not so certain that the fusb’s constant disappearance and reappearance on Karkat’s bed isn’t because of Professor Wasp and his Wicked Ways.

Just a little doodle I did at work that I couldn’t resist doing, C:

CG: HOLY SHIT, WHERE DID THE MONTH GO???

CG: OH, I REMEMBER NOW. I HAD TO HAVE A LONG LIE DOWN OVER THE FACT THAT IT TOOK UNTIL ***APRIL 26TH*** FOR IT TO FINALLY STOP SNOWING.

CG: CG: FUCK YOU, MINNESOTA. 

CG: ANYWAY, BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND:

CG: OH, ANON.

CG: ANON, ANON, ANON.

CG: THE QUESTION YOU SHOULD BE ASKING IS WHAT DIDN’T HAPPEN ON APRIL FOOL’S DAY.

CG: GATHER ROUND, MY FOUL LITTLE GRAYFACED GRUBLINGS, AND I WILL DESCRIBE TO YOU A VERITABLE CORNUCOPIA OF ANNOYING SURPRISES, A DAY WHEREIN NEW DELIGHTS UNFOLDED LIKE OBNOXIOUS, MANKY FLOWERS.

CG: A DAY IN WHICH MY RAGE VOMIT FLOWED LIKE A MIGHTY RIVER DOWN ST. LOBAF’S HALLWAYS.

EB: karkat ew!

CG: SHUT UP.

CG: AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED, EVERYONE’S FAVORITE FOUR-EYED BUCKTOOTHED PRANK WEASEL WENT ALL OUT. RED FOOD COLORING IN THE SOAP DISPENSERS. FUCKING WALL TO WALL DIXIE CUPS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH WATER IN THE MENS ROOM. HUNDREDS OF BALLOONS CRAMMED INTO THE LADIES ROOM. HE MUST HAVE BEEN PREPARING FOR MONTHS. 

CG: I’M SURE HE HAD A GRAND TIME JERKING OFF TO THE THOUGHT OF HIS PRANKSTER’S GAMBIT BEING IN THE HIGH MILLIONS WHILE HE CLEANED EVERYTHING UP.

EB: hahaha i wouldn’t do that in the ladies room!

CG: YOU LITTLE SHITGIGGLE. WAS IT YOU WHO GOT STRIDER TOO? IT WAS YOU, WASN’T IT. 

EB: hehehehe.

CG: I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN. YEEES, ANON, THIS DELUGE OF BULLSHIT BEGAN WHEN I WOKE TO DISCOVER DAVE’S SHADES HAD GONE TRAGICALLY AWOL IN THE NIGHT.

CG: BUT SOME GENEROUS SOUL DECIDED TO HELP A BROTHER OUT! FOR THERE, ON DAVE’S DRESSER, SAT A PAIR OF SPARKLY PURPLE STAR-SHAPED ELTON JOHN NOVELTY SUNGLASSES!

CG: AND OF COURSE DAVE WORE THEM ALL DAY LIKE NOTHING WAS OUT OF THE ORDINARY.

GA: I Saw Him Later With A Penis Drawn On His Forehead In Sharpie Marker

GA: When I Asked Who Did It He Whispered That He Was The Artist

GA: It Was Him

GA: With The Aim To Trick Everyone Into Thinking That Poor Dave Got Drawn On In His Sleep

GA: But Then Ms. Peixes Made Him Wash It Off With Her Makeup Remover

CG: PROBABLY BECAUSE HE WAS CHALLENGING TAVROS’ ROLE AS THE GAYEST PERSON IN THE ROOM.

CG: ANYWAY. EGBERT YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE DESERVING OF MY WRATH. TAKE, FOR INSTANCE, YOUR ROOMMATE, THE INCREDIBLE TALKING DICKPIMPLE.

EB: eww

TA: ii dont know what youre talkiing about, KK.

CG: OH FUCK YOU, I KNOW IT WAS YOU WHO PUT THE “LEAKED” MIDNIGHT CREW CD ON MY PILLOW.

CG: IMAGINE MY WONDERMENT WHEN I DISCOVERED IT CONTAINED THE DULCET TONES OF REBECCA BLACK.

CG: ***IT WAS SEVENTY-NINE REPETITIONS OF THE SAME FUCKING SONG.***

TA: ehehehe kiickiin iin the front 2eat.

CG: ASSLESS MC-CHAPS HERE ALSO DECIDED IT WOULD BE FUCKING HIL-HAIRY-ASS TO FUCK WITH ALL THE COMPUTERS. 

CG: IT WASN’T ENOUGH THAT ALL THE DESKTOPS WERE PICTURES OF NIC CAGE IN VARIOUS LASCIVIOUS POSES, OH NO. THESE DESKTOPS WERE ACTUALLY SCREENCAPS OF THE DESKTOPS, WITH ALL THE ICONS MYSTERIOUSLY HIDDEN.  

CG: MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLES BRO!

TA: yeah your face wa2 pretty priicele22.

CG: I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

CG: THE INFURIATING THING IS I MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO IGNORE THE IDIOCY TWINS AND FORGET ABOUT APRIL 1ST ALTOGETHER IF THE FUCKING STAFF HADN’T GOTTEN IN ON IT TOO.

CG: WV WORE PEPTOL BISMOL PINK FROM HEAD TO TOE AND PRETENDED TO BE PERPLEXED WHEN ANYONE ASKED HIM WHY HE WASN’T WEARING GREEN.

TC: hEhEhEH I tHoUgHt ThAt WaS fUcKiN fUnNy.

CG: WELL, YOU WOULD.

GA: I Saw Feferi Show Up Wearing Old Denim Overalls And A Flannel Shirt

GA: She Said Shed Switched Jobs With The Janitor

AT: dOCTOR pYROPE WAS OVERHEARD, cALLING THE ENTIRE AFFAIR, “AMATEUR HOUR”,

CG: YEAH, FUNNY THING ABOUT THAT. WE SPENT ALL FUCKING DAY WAITING FOR THE CACKLING RAINBOW TONGUE APOCALYPSE THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

TT: Maybe she wanted us to do the pranking for her.

CG: I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED.

CG: BY THE WAY, ROSE, WHEN IS THE BABY DUE?

CG: I WONDER IF IT WILL HAVE MARYAM’S EYES.

TT: I imagine Mother will be thrilled either way.

GA: Did You Really Tell Your Mother You Were Pregnant Oh My God

TT: Haha, no, don’t worry.

CG: HOW MANY FUCKING PEOPLE ENDED UP PREGNANT YESTERDAY ANYWAY?

TT: Mr. Nitram, I recall you mentioning you were going to marry a woman who was pregnant.

EB: hahah, and then he pulled out this little egg that Davesprite laid!

AT: hEHE, yEAH, iT WAS A LEFTOVER EASTER EGG,

AT: aLSO, i THINK YOU MEAN PETUNIA, nOT DAVEPSPRITE,

EB: nope! davesprite forever!

TG: i dont know about you but im finding this whole egg laying conversation to be kind of fucking disturbing

CG: WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE.

TG: ninja

CG: RRRGGGHHH.

TG: you should look on the bright side man

TG: at least nobody got hardcore pranked

TA: ehehe yeah none of you can top la2t year, AA told me 2he wa2 donatiing her haiir two lock2 of love.

TA: ii 2till haven’t recovered.

TA: and ii never wiill.

TG: yeah well this daycare shit aint nothin compared to april 1st at house strider

TG: year before last i woke up next to a blow up doll

TG: it was dick fucking cheney

TG: bro taped a note to his abs that said “today you become a man”

GG: D:

AT: D:{

EB: D:

TC: Do:

AC: :33 < DD:

CG: OH MY GOD.

TG: yep

CG: YEAH THANK GOD NOTHING LIKE THAT HAPPENED.

CG: I COULD STILL STRANGLE VRISKA THOUGH.

TG: oh god what did she do

CG: NEPETA, YOU SHOULD TELL THIS ONE.

AC: XOO < RRRGGGHHHH

AC: :(( she told me at breakfast that grumpy cat got hit by a car

TG: what

AC: :(( < she said the whole internet was in an uproar about it

AC: :(( < i was really upset!

AC: :(( < and then she started laughing and i got MAD

AC: :(( < and gamz33 gave her a really dirty look

AC: :(( < and she said “oh my god lighten up can’t you take a joke?!” and stormed off

GG: >:O

TA: what a biitch

GA: Yeah That Was Just Mean

AC: :// < she hasn’t purrought it up since

CG: TYPICAL.

EB: i, uh…

EB: so what other cool pranks got pulled?

TC: HeHeH yOu ShOuLd TeLl Em WhAt JaDe WeNt AnD dId.

CG: OH GOOOOD.

CG: AT LUNCH, I FOUND GAMZEE WANDERING AROUND WITH A CONFUSED EXPRESSION AND A BIT OF PAPER TAPED TO HIS BACK THAT READ “clap if you think i’m way too tall!! XD XD XD” 

CG: THEN HE SITS NEXT TO ME AND FROWNS AND SAYS “WHY’S EVERYBODY ALL APPLAUDING ME, BRO?”

GG: LOL!

GG: he noogied the hell out of me!

TC: i SuRe DiD. >:oD

TT: And then Equius had to pull you two giggling sillies apart and give you a lecture.

TT: While wearing a blue wig with pigtails.

AC:  :33 < h33h33 I wore that same wig in my nyan cat outfit!

TC: MoThErFuCk, MaN, iT wAs LiKe TrYiN nOt To LaUgH iN cHuRcH oR sOmE sHiT.

GG: oh god i knoooow

GG: i thought i was going to explode!

TC: YeAh I wAs TeLlIn ErIdAn AbOuT tHaT sHiT aNd He WaS aLl KiNdS oF pIsSy AbOuT iT, hAhA. tHaT pOoR mOtHeRfUcKeR sUrE dOeS hAtE aPrIl FoOlS dAy, I dOn’t ThInK hE eVeN cAmE oUt Of HiS rOoM.

CG: OH, THE POOR BUTTON.

CG: SO YEAH, ANON, THERE YOU HAVE IT. THE WHOLE SORDID STORY.

CG: I HOPE OUR SUFFERING AMUSED YOU.

EB: hehehehe

TA: ehehehe

EB: hey karkat

EB: hey karkat

CG: WHAT.

EB: you should look out the window right now

CG: WHAT? WHY SHOULD— OH GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.

I really kind of love this au and sollux just grabs my heart a lot so I wrote a poem for him

Sometimes the lines don’t add up

And the world shakes around you

And the thoughts crash down like fallen stars

Burning bright when descending

A last hurrah

And when they crash it shakes your bones up

Destroying every too bright spark

neurons self destructing

Breaking each dendrite branch over its knee

the lines aren’t clear and the world is always ending

And you can never really race fast enough

Your words can never really catch up

And you fall burning bright like thoughts do

Doused and hurting you can’t move

When the world ends maybe you’ll burn bright again

But the worlds always ending

And down here

You see yourself burning bright

Already primed to collapse

[Hey, all. I got the urge to write something, so I spun this. It’s probably non-canon, but it’s basically about Aradia and how she feels- I noticed that we have so much Sollux and not much Aradia, and I love her so much, so I thought I’d give writing an aa story a shot. :) To be honest, this is based off my own experiences- like Aradia in this story, I just feel nothing except for apathy, anger, sadness and fear (for the most part), and I just wanted to write it out. The Radiohead reference comes from this fic’s theme song- Radiohead’s ‘All I Need’, which is a work of bloody genius. Anyway, I’ve talked for way too long, so yeah. Hope you all like it!]

Your name is Aradia Megido, and you feel n0thing.

Some days, all you can do is just sit on your bed and stare at the wall. Your father is usually working, or practicing, or out playing with the band, so you have a lot of spare time.

You go to college, and pretend to be normal and upbeat. You go hang out with Meenah and Latula and Mituna. You go visit Sollux.

But when you don’t, sometimes all you can do is stare.

You l0ve your friends. You l0ve your family.

You really l0ve Sollux.

But sometimes you just can’t keep going.

You’ve heard people talk about feeling n0thing before, but it wasn’t what you felt. They talked about feeling no motivation, having no willpower, being reduced to an empty shell.

On your w0rst days, you feel like a body without a heart. You think. You sense. You reason. But you can’t feel.

You’re a c0mputer on auto-pilot. You’re a gh0st in the machine.

And your w0rst days are becoming your n0rmal days.

You keep going aut0matically. You get up, eat breakfast, go to school, study, hang 0ut with friends, go home. But there’s no substance in it, no enjoyment. You know you need to do well in college for the future. You know you need to eat to stay healthy. You do so, but there’s just no p0int. Life has n0 meaning. You have no purp0se. There is no p0int.

You’re a tightr0pe walker over a bottomless abyss, and the r0pe is slackening.

You hold yourself up for Sollux, but you can’t see him all the time, and when you don’t, it’s all too easy to slip and fall 0ver the edge.

You find yourself curled up in bed, sad beyond measure. You find yourself sobbing endlessly, unable to st0p. You find yourself listening to Radi0head on repeat, all of the saddest songs they’ve done.

You feel like a failure.

You’re the one who’s supposed to be there for Sollux. You’re supposed to be his rock.

You can’t fail. You are n0t allowed to fail.

And yet, you do.

Every time you end up falling off the r0pe, you feel so guilty. You failed him. You failed every0ne.

You know it’s not good. You want to talk to some0ne about it. You just have no idea who. Your dad? Sure, maybe, but he’d tell Clubs Deuce about it, and Sollux would find 0ut. He always does.

It can’t be anyone in St Lobaf. Sollux would know. If Sollux knew, he’d feel even w0rse, like it was all his fault.

It’s n0t his fault.

0K, sometimes it is.

You just can’t stand it, sometimes. You can’t stand seeing your soulmate, the guy you l0ve more than anything, curled up in his bed, screaming about how worthless he is.

Because it makes you feel p0werless.

It makes you feel like a failure.

Everyone keeps telling you that you’re d0ing so much for him just by being there for him, but you don’t believe them. If you were doing something for him, it’d be visible, surely? He wouldn’t seem to be the same as he was months ago.

Sometimes, you feel like he’s a symbol, the emb0diment of everything you feel is wrong with your life.

That’s bullshit.

Sometimes, you feel like he’s ungrateful, like he doesn’t need you or want you ar0und any more.

That’s ridiculous.

Sometimes, you feel like you only live for him. Like making him better is the sole purp0se of your life.

And that, you well know, is very twisted and 0bsessive and bad, but you can’t help it.

You w0rry about him so much. You want to help him. And you can’t.

You just can’t.

You keep leaving St Lobaf feeling ruined, th0se few times when you don’t leave feeling nothing.

And so, you’ve devel0ped your own way to c0pe.

Sometimes, you go up to the roof at midnight and scream at the sky, scream away all your frustration, just to feel something, anything.

Anything other than this fucking apathy.

No, that’s n0t true. You don’t feel apathy all of the time. You can feel things, to say otherwise would be lying. It’s just sadness. And anger. And fear.

You’re not sure which of your feelings is w0rse.

Either way, it’s better than your th0ughts.

Sometimes you think that you only see Sollux because you’re obligated to.

Sometimes you think that he’d be better 0ff without you.

Sometimes you think that you only visit Sollux to feel something.

You scream at the sky to feel anger. You look at pictures of spiders to feel afraid. And you go to Sollux and feel sad.

Well, all right, there’s m0re to it than that. You feel sad because he’s usually n0t good. Then you feel guilty, and upset, and worthless, and you d0 your best to make him feel better, even th0ugh you usually fail.

But it usually w0rks out all right, in the end, and you do your best. You climb back onto your tightr0pe, and take another step. You wind up your music b0x, and replay the tune. You walk back into St Lobaf and sit down next to Sollux. You make sure to spend more time with everyone you love. You climb back onto the roof and scream your lungs 0ut, until you sink down onto the tiles, your veins full of hatred and your throat s0re.

And it just feels so good, to feel something, anything, other than the apathy.

Even if it means that you’re going hoarse.

Even if it means that you nearly got arrested once.

Even if it means that you want to attack everyone who annoys you now.

After all, anything’s better than n0thing.

AG: Long story short? Pro8ation viol8tion.

EB: tell ‘em what were you on probation for.

AG: Assaulting an officer. Pig copped a feel.

EB: whoa.

AG: Anyway, I trashed my ankle monitor and hitchhiked to Mystic Lake with a fake ID. Apparently that’s not totally awesome. 

EB: she managed to blow eight hundred dollars on blackjack before she got caught red-handed.

AG: In retrospect, 8lackjack is really not my game.

EB: yeah. i’d avoid cards from now on, if i were you.

AG: Anyway, that is how I found out that certain l8mers in the justice system can and do hold a grudge forever.

EB: how come they didn’t send you back to juvie, though. why here instead?

AG: Oh, I had a claustropho8ia attack when they put me in 8ack of the porkmo8ile.

EB: you’re claustrophobic too?

AAG: Not usually 8ut I was 8lazed off my ass and upset from losing the game and they cuffed my arm to my ankles with zip tie and I freaked out. So they took me to the hospital for o8servation instead of to jail, and I got railroaded 8y my court-appointed shrink and her asshole cronies just like they did to fish8reath over there with his dead cheerleader colum8ine jackoff fantasy. 

EB: wait wait wait, you mean eridan? what?

AG: That’s what I heard on the derpvine. Tall dark and Potter wants to 8e a dangerous loner with a sniper rifle when he grows up.

EB: wow, i thought he was just, i don’t know. really depressed.

AG: You would 8e too if you couldn’t get any pussy even if you dressed up as a toilet seat >::::D

EB: dude, gross.

AG: Annnnnnnnd so here I am, and I guess it 8eats wearing 8eige with the rest of the gang-8anging wanna8es and freaks. If I’m a good girl and eat all my vegeta8les, I won’t have to serve any of my time after I get out of this place.

EB: Terezi will have to testify for you, right?

AG: Yeah, like I even 8elieve she’ll let me out of here. Not til she’s good and satisfied. 8ut she’ll get hers, Karma’s an 8-legged 8itch and its favorite flavor is teal. That’s all I’m saying.

TT: Is Terezi really the person who’s to blame for your situation?

AG: Uhhhhhhhh, duh? 

TT: That seems like a stretch.

AG: Why, what’s Freud say a8out hating stuck-up 8itches who don’t even listen when you try to talk a8out your pro8lems and keep trying to push it all 8ack on you 8eing a8normal when it’s everyone else who’s really nuts?

TT: Well, it’s really not my place to say you have no right to feel disempowered and victimized, since being here was not your choice. I can’t say I share your experience or perspective, as I checked myself in after I had time to really think about what that would entail.

AG: And swig down a few more P8Rs for liquid cour8ge.

TT: Oh, really? Credit me with a bit more taste than that.

TT: But let’s not get into the relative merits of alcohol brands. What I mean is, even though you weren’t brought here by choice, why not make an effort to help yourself while you’re here?

AG: Hell no! And nice try with that whaddya call it thing, that… John, what’s that called? Where you put the answer in the question, like “have you stopped 8eating off in the 8ack of the movie the8r yet”?

EB: i have no idea what you’re talking about.

TA: iit’2 called beggiing the que2tiion and you have a lot of nerve briingiing moviie theater 2ex OR logiical fallaciie2 up agaiin2t another person EVER, but whatever.

AG: Fuck off, Printhethhhh. Grown-upthh are talking.

TA: blow me.

AG: Not interested.

TT: Sollux, please, I was attempting to make a point.

EB: hey captor wanna go make a snowman right in front of wv’s office window?

TA: 2ure, ii’m a toddler, that’ll be fun.

EB: hehehe!

TT: Best of luck with your recess, boys. Don’t forget mittens.

AG: And st8y out!!!!!!!!

TT: Anyway, I sincerely don’t mean to offend you, or talk to you as if you’re a bad person. I don’t think you are. I just think you’re making a mistake that might cost you in the long run.

TT: You’ve been here how long without making any effort at all to work with the system? It just makes no sense to me. Is it just an issue of stubbornness over a matter of principle? Because I know you feel awful about your problems. You talk about it all the time, but you don’t actually deal with it in any meaningful way that I can see. Isn’t that something you could work on in therapy while you’re here anyway?

AG: No, fuck that and fuck you. There’s N8THING WR8NG W8TH ME!!!!!!!!

AG: Except for how fat I’m getting on this starchy-ass institution food. Look at my fucking jeans. Look. An honest to God muffin top. 

AG: I’m so disgusting.

TT: You’re neither fat nor disgusting, and it’s incredibly rude and a low blow for you to conflate the two in conversation with me in full knowledge of my personal history.

AG: Oh right, plus you’re a chu88y chaser. I pro8a8ly look like a starving toothpick compared to what you’re into.

AG: Riiiiiiiight Kanaya? :::;)

GA: Leave Me Out Of This Vriska Your Bait Less Than Entices Me As I Find Body Shaming Uninteresting To Say The Least Since My Purgatorial High School Years More Or Less Covered The Entire Subject Ad Nauseum And I Am Fairly Happy To Leave It Behind Me Where It Belongs

GA: In Fact I Think I Will Go Assist The Children With This Anatomically Questionable Snowman Since I Dont Want The Kids To Have To See Anything Especially Traumatic When WV Opens The Shades Tomorrow 

AG: Oh noooooooo, not the snow-dong! Their poor virgin eyes!!!!!!!!

GA: See You Later Rose

TT: <3

AG: OMG. G8G. I think I just developed 8ulimia watching the two of you flirt.

TT: Oh, stay classy, Vriska. 

AG: Damn str8 I will.

AG: WHOOOOOOOOPS there I go again insulting the feminist hive vagina, gosh, I’m so 8ad. I didn’t mean to say ‘str8’.

TT: You know what? I’m honestly sorry for trying to engage you in a conversation. What was I even thinking.

AG: Yeah, wh8 were you th8nk8ng???????? I’m o8viously just a walking mist8ke, just give up like everyone else does and move on, why d8n’t you.

TT: Ah, yes. Give up on poor Vriska. That is definitely a thing that is happening en masse here, in the land of reality and privilege, where you are surrounded by paid experts whose job concerns the perpetuation of your health, happiness and safety, instead of being homeless and strung out on drugs or in prison somewhere showing your tattoo to a cellmate who never had the opportunities you had to straighten herself out. Poor, poor Vriska, no one cares about her at all.

AG: YAAAAAAAAWN. I feel a n8p coming 8n.

TT: You tell yourself everyone hates you, then you treat them badly until they stay away, and then you act like it was inevitable and throw a big public self-blame party when you could easily have people’s sympathy instead of their pity. It’s so obvious to me as an observer what you’re doing. It’s as if you want to be left alone so you can finally give up on yourself. I thought I could offer you a caring ear, but you’re not ready to hear it even from a friend, are you?

AG: WOW.

AG: Like really, WOW.

AG: That was such an epic 8urn! 

AG: You should take Pyr8pe’s jo8. You’re even wr8nger than she is, and more c8ndescending to 8oot.

TT: I’m working on it.

AG: Well if you don’t mind, I’m going to go lie down and think a8out all these life-ch8nging things you’ve s8id. NOT.

AG: L8er, cracksnack! ::::P

TT: ASD;LAKSDGAL;KD;LGAJKSLDK.

TG: whoa hey watch the elbows lalonde i never did shit to you

TT: I’m sorry, Dave. That was completely uncalled for. I didn’t even see you coming through.

TG: im like the wind yo its cool

TG: i heard some of that shit with vriska by the way

TT: Oh God. I’m so angry right now. Was I horrible? I feel like I was horrible.

TG: nah

TG: mostly you were right except like

TG: you got help when you wanted it right

TT: Yes.

TG: would it have done you any good to have someone else make a big deal out of how lucky you are to be able to get help

TG: to guilt you into doing it 

TG: like even five minutes before you decided on your own wouldnt that make you flip a shitfit and storm off 

TT: You’re right. Of course you’re right.

TT: I was just taking out my anger on her for picking at me like that when all I wanted was to help.

TG: yeah well no judging from me i avoid her pretty much for that exact reason

TG: i am not paid to stick my head in the human woodchipper

TG: i saw fargo i know how this shit ends 

TG: fuckin red snow from here to steve buscemis hidden basement cache of dead kids we all know he’s got somewhere is how it ends 

TT: I guess so.

TT: Why do we intelligent people continue, in the face of our vast knowledge, to royally fuck ourselves over, again and again?

TG: man i dont know

TG: but being the grossest most corpsestrewn trainwreck on liveleak

TG: thats at least different than going up in a puff of smoke where no one sees right

TT: Possibly. I don’t know.

TT: There’s more I don’t know every time I turn around these days, it seems.

TG: nah

TG: youre just bummed because you think you have to know everything and fix everything to be worth anything

TT: Do you see me that way? Really?

TG: yeah kinda

TG: did i just stick my foot in it or

TT: No…

TT: No, I think you might actually have a point. 

TT: …

TT: Oh my god, I’m textbook codependent!

TG: well shit

TG: how are you gonna come out to your mom about that one

TT: …

TT: Pfffhahhahaha!

TG: HAHAHAHA

Drew this ages ago. Only just got tumblr ^^;

The rough sketch had FUSB in it, but because of sizing I had to cut it out D:

(I saw the ‘dESERVES TO BE HAPPY’ fan mix, and it made me want to make a playlist of my own. I put in all the patients and threw in Calliope and Tavros, and I hope it’s OK. :o) Warning: just about all of the triggers (all of them), especially including mental illness, self-hatred and other damn depressing things. I can’t provide a download link, I just picked the songs that I thought worked with the characters. Tavros gets an instrumental because I honestly couldn’t think of anything that worked for him, and then the one I picked just made so much sense, ‘cause the music sings without words, and it’s beautiful.)

1. Dave: Massive Attack- Dissolved Girl

Shame, such a shame
I think I kind of lost myself again
Day, yesterday
Really should be leaving but I stay

2. John: Cream- As You Said

Let’s go down to where it’s clean 
To see the time that might have been
The tides have carried off the beach 
As you said, 
The sun is out of reach 

3. Jade: Chris Corner- We Rise

I’m so lost 
Living in a house of secrets 
I know nothing of human weakness 
I’m messed up, shaking the hands that blew it 
Foolish come down 
Messiah destructed

4. Rose: The Crystalline Effect- Poetry

It’s been a long, slow slide
To the depths of her soul
God, I wish I knew the point where she lost control

5. Karkat: KMFDM- You’re No Good

Punishing discontent
Gotta get a grip
My mind’s working overtime
Twisting in a tourniquet
Ticking like a timebomb
Another pound of flesh
Red alert emergency
I’m headed for a crash

Hello, hello I’m back again
Run run run, run while you can
Hello, hello I’m back it’s me
The mother load of misery
You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good

Misery follows me wherever I go

6. Nepeta: DyE- Fantasy

7. Eridan: Imogen Heap- Getting Scared

The only times in my life
The sun was meant to shine for me
You made it pour down, pour down with tears of rain

Who’s getting scared now?
Tell me, tell me how does it feel?
It feels so good from where I’m standing

8. Kanaya: Stromae- Alors On Danse
And you say this is the last time, because only death is worse
When you think everyone is OK and fine, nothing has happened
Ecstasy spells problems or it sounds like the music
It gives you a trip and you put your head in your hands praying for it to end
But it’s your body, not the heavens and you stop listening
Then you scream harder and it won’t stop

And so we dance

9: Sollux: The Birthday Massacre- Sideways

Falling to the floor
We’re watching sideways
As day turns to night
Ghosts in the walls
Through empty doorways
Like we’ve always been here

The painted hallways
Forever and always
Are lost to you
How can you criticise 
When you’re not here to compromise?
Words fade as time goes by
Without you, without you

10. Aradia: Faunts- M4 Part 2

I have wondered about you
Where will you be when this is through?
If all goes as planned 
Will you redeem my life again?

And I need you to recover
‘Cause I can’t make it on my own 

11. Gamzee: Dragonette- Let It Go

Well if I were you, I’d look up
And find a place there in the sky where there’s room enough
To spread it out, and look ‘round
For where to land when you come down

We don’t need a cure for the weight of the world
‘Cause it’s floating ‘round in the universe
Just swing it like it’s tied by a string that you hold
and let it go

12. Vriska: Sneaker Pimps- Post-Modern Sleaze

Straw spun from gold, she craves a tortured soul, 
All doom and gloom, she plays an open wound, 

She takes every scene they steal, 
She fakes every pain they feel, 
She must be a Thelma or Louise, 
She must be a post-modern tease

13. Calliope: Imogen Heap- Shine

Shine
I will not cry and I will not die, no
Shine
I will be there for me
Shine
I’ll be just fine if I stay all mine
I’ll shine, shine

14. Tavros: Santana- Samba Pa Ti

[Instrumental]

She knocks on the door hesitantly, at first.

She isn’t sure why. She knows what’s happening. But deep down in her heart she hopes that this time, just this one time, she’s wrong. And so even though hesitation could cost her everything, she goes ahead and does it.

There’s no response. Of course there’s no response. If there was any chance he was going to open the door, his parents would never have called her. They only call her when they desperately need her (unfortunately, they seems to always desperately need her).

So she reaches into her pocket and pulls out the key. It feels so familiar to her that even among the jumble of random things in her pocket – spare change, a pin, a folded up piece of newspaper – she is able to identify it instantly.

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Why in the world would John do that? Today was a really good day for everyone. But today was a quiet day for John, which by other people’s standards means he was quite mischievous in a silent way. He rigged doorways with buckets full of gushers(his trademark), and removed wet-floor signs, and hidden cleaning supplies in classified locations. It was good fun, except for when Equius found out and got strict with him, but he thought it hilarious to play pranks on his good old friends. And none of them really knew that they already knew eachother, so it was even funnier. Sometimes he wished they believed him, but for today, it was alright.

Then everything exploded and it wasn’t fine anymore, and he felt terrible and wanted to shrink away. He was carrying Gamzee’s shirt and he didn’t know why, and he should probably give it back, but not right now, no, he needed to be alone. He wanted to be alone, and he didn’t want to talk about it, and that was okay, so he went to the waiting room and he sat down and covered his face.

He stayed there for what seemed like hours but was only minutes, just subconsciously snuggling Gamzee’s shirt and not crying because he was a big, strong man and he would make- no, DID make his dad proud. But that was another life, another time, and this Dad didn’t remember but believed his son because he was great like that.

And then he decided to look up for a few seconds because he needed something to look at other than just blackness and the sparkles on Gamzee’s shirt. It was really really bright and he didn’t like it, but his eyes got used to it, so he scanned around. It was white, like always, and the chairs were gray and metal, and the doors were locked with a keypad so it was okay for them to fuck around in here. Not literally, ew.

It looked normal but something was strange. And then he noticed it. Casey’s bunny was still here. She must have left it from her visit a few days ago! Oh, she must be devastated… John crawled over to the soft, but dirty, plush toy and picked it up gingerly, cradling it in one hand. Casey loved this bunny. She never went anywhere without it. John got it for her with his allowance when she was born….

John lost it.  Poor Casey, she must be crying so bad, she can’t talk straight quite yet so Dad mght not know what the hell she’s talking about, and it’s been a whole day, oh my GOD it’s been a WHOLE DAY, she must be freaking out, I should’ve made sure she had it with her when she left, maybe that’s why Sollux got so mad with me, it’s my fault, my baby sister is upset and possibly traumatized because I didn’t get her rabbit to her, oh no oh no oh no oh no

By this time you’re practically drowning in tears, loudly sobbing. An unknown figure comes up behind you and tentatively pats your back; you don’t know who it is, it could be Equius, or Ms. Pyrope, fuck it could be Karkat. You don’t know, you don’t care, you just need your sister to get her bunny back, your sister needs her bunny, even though she’s not your sister, she’s a fucking salalmander, but she needs her rabbit god DAMN IT.

Part One => Sollux: Be D00med.

Part Two => Gamzee: Be distressed.

Part Three => Karkat: Worry.

Part Four => Sollux: Bake a Cake.

The drive back to St. Lobaf’s is cold and rainy and you are in mortal danger of falling asleep at the wheel. Dad 2 has the heater running on full blast, for one, and that combined with the lulling rhythm of the windshield wipers would normally be enough to send you swerving gently into the nearest ditch if it weren’t for the Lady Gaga song pumping through the speakers.

Your eyelids flutter as you grip the wheel and try to keep an eye out for deer. Everything is gray and flat and there’s a pinched, anxious feeling in your chest at the idea that in less than an hour it’s going to be dark out. Wasn’t it only a little while ago that sunset was at 8:00 and the weather wasn’t complete ass?

But that’s depression induced timesinks for you. Your brain couldn’t decide to work in May or July or something, no, it had to wake up just in time for winter to shit all over you.

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