Posts tagged eridan

CG: HOLY SHIT, WHERE DID THE MONTH GO???

CG: OH, I REMEMBER NOW. I HAD TO HAVE A LONG LIE DOWN OVER THE FACT THAT IT TOOK UNTIL ***APRIL 26TH*** FOR IT TO FINALLY STOP SNOWING.

CG: CG: FUCK YOU, MINNESOTA. 

CG: ANYWAY, BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND:

CG: OH, ANON.

CG: ANON, ANON, ANON.

CG: THE QUESTION YOU SHOULD BE ASKING IS WHAT DIDN’T HAPPEN ON APRIL FOOL’S DAY.

CG: GATHER ROUND, MY FOUL LITTLE GRAYFACED GRUBLINGS, AND I WILL DESCRIBE TO YOU A VERITABLE CORNUCOPIA OF ANNOYING SURPRISES, A DAY WHEREIN NEW DELIGHTS UNFOLDED LIKE OBNOXIOUS, MANKY FLOWERS.

CG: A DAY IN WHICH MY RAGE VOMIT FLOWED LIKE A MIGHTY RIVER DOWN ST. LOBAF’S HALLWAYS.

EB: karkat ew!

CG: SHUT UP.

CG: AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED, EVERYONE’S FAVORITE FOUR-EYED BUCKTOOTHED PRANK WEASEL WENT ALL OUT. RED FOOD COLORING IN THE SOAP DISPENSERS. FUCKING WALL TO WALL DIXIE CUPS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH WATER IN THE MENS ROOM. HUNDREDS OF BALLOONS CRAMMED INTO THE LADIES ROOM. HE MUST HAVE BEEN PREPARING FOR MONTHS. 

CG: I’M SURE HE HAD A GRAND TIME JERKING OFF TO THE THOUGHT OF HIS PRANKSTER’S GAMBIT BEING IN THE HIGH MILLIONS WHILE HE CLEANED EVERYTHING UP.

EB: hahaha i wouldn’t do that in the ladies room!

CG: YOU LITTLE SHITGIGGLE. WAS IT YOU WHO GOT STRIDER TOO? IT WAS YOU, WASN’T IT. 

EB: hehehehe.

CG: I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN. YEEES, ANON, THIS DELUGE OF BULLSHIT BEGAN WHEN I WOKE TO DISCOVER DAVE’S SHADES HAD GONE TRAGICALLY AWOL IN THE NIGHT.

CG: BUT SOME GENEROUS SOUL DECIDED TO HELP A BROTHER OUT! FOR THERE, ON DAVE’S DRESSER, SAT A PAIR OF SPARKLY PURPLE STAR-SHAPED ELTON JOHN NOVELTY SUNGLASSES!

CG: AND OF COURSE DAVE WORE THEM ALL DAY LIKE NOTHING WAS OUT OF THE ORDINARY.

GA: I Saw Him Later With A Penis Drawn On His Forehead In Sharpie Marker

GA: When I Asked Who Did It He Whispered That He Was The Artist

GA: It Was Him

GA: With The Aim To Trick Everyone Into Thinking That Poor Dave Got Drawn On In His Sleep

GA: But Then Ms. Peixes Made Him Wash It Off With Her Makeup Remover

CG: PROBABLY BECAUSE HE WAS CHALLENGING TAVROS’ ROLE AS THE GAYEST PERSON IN THE ROOM.

CG: ANYWAY. EGBERT YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE DESERVING OF MY WRATH. TAKE, FOR INSTANCE, YOUR ROOMMATE, THE INCREDIBLE TALKING DICKPIMPLE.

EB: eww

TA: ii dont know what youre talkiing about, KK.

CG: OH FUCK YOU, I KNOW IT WAS YOU WHO PUT THE “LEAKED” MIDNIGHT CREW CD ON MY PILLOW.

CG: IMAGINE MY WONDERMENT WHEN I DISCOVERED IT CONTAINED THE DULCET TONES OF REBECCA BLACK.

CG: ***IT WAS SEVENTY-NINE REPETITIONS OF THE SAME FUCKING SONG.***

TA: ehehehe kiickiin iin the front 2eat.

CG: ASSLESS MC-CHAPS HERE ALSO DECIDED IT WOULD BE FUCKING HIL-HAIRY-ASS TO FUCK WITH ALL THE COMPUTERS. 

CG: IT WASN’T ENOUGH THAT ALL THE DESKTOPS WERE PICTURES OF NIC CAGE IN VARIOUS LASCIVIOUS POSES, OH NO. THESE DESKTOPS WERE ACTUALLY SCREENCAPS OF THE DESKTOPS, WITH ALL THE ICONS MYSTERIOUSLY HIDDEN.  

CG: MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLES BRO!

TA: yeah your face wa2 pretty priicele22.

CG: I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

CG: THE INFURIATING THING IS I MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO IGNORE THE IDIOCY TWINS AND FORGET ABOUT APRIL 1ST ALTOGETHER IF THE FUCKING STAFF HADN’T GOTTEN IN ON IT TOO.

CG: WV WORE PEPTOL BISMOL PINK FROM HEAD TO TOE AND PRETENDED TO BE PERPLEXED WHEN ANYONE ASKED HIM WHY HE WASN’T WEARING GREEN.

TC: hEhEhEH I tHoUgHt ThAt WaS fUcKiN fUnNy.

CG: WELL, YOU WOULD.

GA: I Saw Feferi Show Up Wearing Old Denim Overalls And A Flannel Shirt

GA: She Said Shed Switched Jobs With The Janitor

AT: dOCTOR pYROPE WAS OVERHEARD, cALLING THE ENTIRE AFFAIR, “AMATEUR HOUR”,

CG: YEAH, FUNNY THING ABOUT THAT. WE SPENT ALL FUCKING DAY WAITING FOR THE CACKLING RAINBOW TONGUE APOCALYPSE THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

TT: Maybe she wanted us to do the pranking for her.

CG: I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED.

CG: BY THE WAY, ROSE, WHEN IS THE BABY DUE?

CG: I WONDER IF IT WILL HAVE MARYAM’S EYES.

TT: I imagine Mother will be thrilled either way.

GA: Did You Really Tell Your Mother You Were Pregnant Oh My God

TT: Haha, no, don’t worry.

CG: HOW MANY FUCKING PEOPLE ENDED UP PREGNANT YESTERDAY ANYWAY?

TT: Mr. Nitram, I recall you mentioning you were going to marry a woman who was pregnant.

EB: hahah, and then he pulled out this little egg that Davesprite laid!

AT: hEHE, yEAH, iT WAS A LEFTOVER EASTER EGG,

AT: aLSO, i THINK YOU MEAN PETUNIA, nOT DAVEPSPRITE,

EB: nope! davesprite forever!

TG: i dont know about you but im finding this whole egg laying conversation to be kind of fucking disturbing

CG: WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE.

TG: ninja

CG: RRRGGGHHH.

TG: you should look on the bright side man

TG: at least nobody got hardcore pranked

TA: ehehe yeah none of you can top la2t year, AA told me 2he wa2 donatiing her haiir two lock2 of love.

TA: ii 2till haven’t recovered.

TA: and ii never wiill.

TG: yeah well this daycare shit aint nothin compared to april 1st at house strider

TG: year before last i woke up next to a blow up doll

TG: it was dick fucking cheney

TG: bro taped a note to his abs that said “today you become a man”

GG: D:

AT: D:{

EB: D:

TC: Do:

AC: :33 < DD:

CG: OH MY GOD.

TG: yep

CG: YEAH THANK GOD NOTHING LIKE THAT HAPPENED.

CG: I COULD STILL STRANGLE VRISKA THOUGH.

TG: oh god what did she do

CG: NEPETA, YOU SHOULD TELL THIS ONE.

AC: XOO < RRRGGGHHHH

AC: :(( she told me at breakfast that grumpy cat got hit by a car

TG: what

AC: :(( < she said the whole internet was in an uproar about it

AC: :(( < i was really upset!

AC: :(( < and then she started laughing and i got MAD

AC: :(( < and gamz33 gave her a really dirty look

AC: :(( < and she said “oh my god lighten up can’t you take a joke?!” and stormed off

GG: >:O

TA: what a biitch

GA: Yeah That Was Just Mean

AC: :// < she hasn’t purrought it up since

CG: TYPICAL.

EB: i, uh…

EB: so what other cool pranks got pulled?

TC: HeHeH yOu ShOuLd TeLl Em WhAt JaDe WeNt AnD dId.

CG: OH GOOOOD.

CG: AT LUNCH, I FOUND GAMZEE WANDERING AROUND WITH A CONFUSED EXPRESSION AND A BIT OF PAPER TAPED TO HIS BACK THAT READ “clap if you think i’m way too tall!! XD XD XD” 

CG: THEN HE SITS NEXT TO ME AND FROWNS AND SAYS “WHY’S EVERYBODY ALL APPLAUDING ME, BRO?”

GG: LOL!

GG: he noogied the hell out of me!

TC: i SuRe DiD. >:oD

TT: And then Equius had to pull you two giggling sillies apart and give you a lecture.

TT: While wearing a blue wig with pigtails.

AC:  :33 < h33h33 I wore that same wig in my nyan cat outfit!

TC: MoThErFuCk, MaN, iT wAs LiKe TrYiN nOt To LaUgH iN cHuRcH oR sOmE sHiT.

GG: oh god i knoooow

GG: i thought i was going to explode!

TC: YeAh I wAs TeLlIn ErIdAn AbOuT tHaT sHiT aNd He WaS aLl KiNdS oF pIsSy AbOuT iT, hAhA. tHaT pOoR mOtHeRfUcKeR sUrE dOeS hAtE aPrIl FoOlS dAy, I dOn’t ThInK hE eVeN cAmE oUt Of HiS rOoM.

CG: OH, THE POOR BUTTON.

CG: SO YEAH, ANON, THERE YOU HAVE IT. THE WHOLE SORDID STORY.

CG: I HOPE OUR SUFFERING AMUSED YOU.

EB: hehehehe

TA: ehehehe

EB: hey karkat

EB: hey karkat

CG: WHAT.

EB: you should look out the window right now

CG: WHAT? WHY SHOULD— OH GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.

It starts with a game.

It’s been awhile since you can remember actually liking yourself. Sure, you have friends, a few at least, that seem okay with you hanging around, but there’s this little niggling voice in the back of your mind which tells you that their just bidding their time until they can dump you on some other unsuspecting fools. Then, there are the jerks that you have to spend every day with. The people from band class who you silently seethe about since they won’t shut up and you’re simply trying to play music, since that’s a part of school that you actually like. That one girl in all of your classes who never listens to the teacher and makes everything take an extra 20 minutes. The teachers that get mad at you because attempting to listen to their boring lectures sometimes (okay, always) makes you fall asleep. It’s no wonder that you don’t like school. Then, you find about the game.

You are walking with your friend Cal while he rambles on about this computer game that he wants you to try out. You agree, and once you are at your house, he boots up Sims 3. He instructs you to make a character, which can be similar to yourself or not, and to make yourself a girlfriend if you wish to as well. You then construct Edridan Dualscar, who you decide is basically yourself if you were six feet tall and had magic powers. Then, you create Elferia, who is based on this girl at school who would never give you a second glance in real life. Cal then creates Charlie Richter and Frost, explaining that he never liked the name Callum and that Frost was his girlfriend Snow if she had giant tits (as if you couldn’t guess, the idiot made her hair colour the same and everything).

Read more …

Eridan watched quietly as most of the other patients enjoyed some time with their visitor; an occasional few had no visitors, but Eridan didn’t care to go talk to them.

In fact, Eridan didn’t want to be in the visiting ward at all. He wanted to be back in his and Gamzee’s room, writing some story about… whatever.

But he felt that it would be better if he came to the visiting ward with the other kids today.

He glanced around, watching some of the kids talking to their friends or parents or whoever. He caught Equius’ gaze, and looked away immediately, scooting away involuntarily; that guy was creepy…

Eridan was just about to get up and leave - screw his gut feeling or whatever - when a man burst through the door, grabbed Dr. Tongue Pyrope - she had been standing near Equius - hostage, then locked the door. Almost immediately, Eridan threw himself under the table, hiding himself from the intruder.

“Everybody on the ground!” the man screamed, and everybody in the room reluctantly complied, Equius hesitating for a second until the man turned and glared at him.

Eridan looked around; he had been the only one to hide in time and he needed to find something to use as a weapon.

There!

Some visiting woman, he didn’t know who, had been carrying a handbag with large handles that could make for a great bludgeon. When Eridan was sure the intruder wasn’t looking, he slid over, grabbed the handbag, then slid behind cover.

The man was talking now, his voice low and gruff, obscured by the dark mask covering his face. “Where is he?”

Somebody - Eridan couldn’t make out who it was - responded by asking who “he” was.

“The one with the scarf. Where is he?”

Vriska - of course it was Vriska - was like “Oh, you mean Eridan-“

“Edridan.”

“Eridan. He’s right over there” she said, gesturing dismissively over to where he was.

Eridan would probably have silently cursed Vriska - not a fatal curse, probably a minor bad luck hex - but he was too busy processing what the man had said. Edridan.

How had they located him?

Eridan stood up suddenly, startling the intruder, who nearly dropped his gun - he had one all along, I should have mentioned earlier; he was pointing it at Dr. Pyrope. “How did Ts’serv’sses, Lich-Lord, find out I was hidden in this dimension?” he asked. The man tore off his mask, revealing that he was, in fact, the Lich-Lo you knoww wwhat evven i knoww this story glubbin sucks im throwwin it awway

(I saw the ‘dESERVES TO BE HAPPY’ fan mix, and it made me want to make a playlist of my own. I put in all the patients and threw in Calliope and Tavros, and I hope it’s OK. :o) Warning: just about all of the triggers (all of them), especially including mental illness, self-hatred and other damn depressing things. I can’t provide a download link, I just picked the songs that I thought worked with the characters. Tavros gets an instrumental because I honestly couldn’t think of anything that worked for him, and then the one I picked just made so much sense, ‘cause the music sings without words, and it’s beautiful.)

1. Dave: Massive Attack- Dissolved Girl

Shame, such a shame
I think I kind of lost myself again
Day, yesterday
Really should be leaving but I stay

2. John: Cream- As You Said

Let’s go down to where it’s clean 
To see the time that might have been
The tides have carried off the beach 
As you said, 
The sun is out of reach 

3. Jade: Chris Corner- We Rise

I’m so lost 
Living in a house of secrets 
I know nothing of human weakness 
I’m messed up, shaking the hands that blew it 
Foolish come down 
Messiah destructed

4. Rose: The Crystalline Effect- Poetry

It’s been a long, slow slide
To the depths of her soul
God, I wish I knew the point where she lost control

5. Karkat: KMFDM- You’re No Good

Punishing discontent
Gotta get a grip
My mind’s working overtime
Twisting in a tourniquet
Ticking like a timebomb
Another pound of flesh
Red alert emergency
I’m headed for a crash

Hello, hello I’m back again
Run run run, run while you can
Hello, hello I’m back it’s me
The mother load of misery
You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good

Misery follows me wherever I go

6. Nepeta: DyE- Fantasy

7. Eridan: Imogen Heap- Getting Scared

The only times in my life
The sun was meant to shine for me
You made it pour down, pour down with tears of rain

Who’s getting scared now?
Tell me, tell me how does it feel?
It feels so good from where I’m standing

8. Kanaya: Stromae- Alors On Danse
And you say this is the last time, because only death is worse
When you think everyone is OK and fine, nothing has happened
Ecstasy spells problems or it sounds like the music
It gives you a trip and you put your head in your hands praying for it to end
But it’s your body, not the heavens and you stop listening
Then you scream harder and it won’t stop

And so we dance

9: Sollux: The Birthday Massacre- Sideways

Falling to the floor
We’re watching sideways
As day turns to night
Ghosts in the walls
Through empty doorways
Like we’ve always been here

The painted hallways
Forever and always
Are lost to you
How can you criticise 
When you’re not here to compromise?
Words fade as time goes by
Without you, without you

10. Aradia: Faunts- M4 Part 2

I have wondered about you
Where will you be when this is through?
If all goes as planned 
Will you redeem my life again?

And I need you to recover
‘Cause I can’t make it on my own 

11. Gamzee: Dragonette- Let It Go

Well if I were you, I’d look up
And find a place there in the sky where there’s room enough
To spread it out, and look ‘round
For where to land when you come down

We don’t need a cure for the weight of the world
‘Cause it’s floating ‘round in the universe
Just swing it like it’s tied by a string that you hold
and let it go

12. Vriska: Sneaker Pimps- Post-Modern Sleaze

Straw spun from gold, she craves a tortured soul, 
All doom and gloom, she plays an open wound, 

She takes every scene they steal, 
She fakes every pain they feel, 
She must be a Thelma or Louise, 
She must be a post-modern tease

13. Calliope: Imogen Heap- Shine

Shine
I will not cry and I will not die, no
Shine
I will be there for me
Shine
I’ll be just fine if I stay all mine
I’ll shine, shine

14. Tavros: Santana- Samba Pa Ti

[Instrumental]

==> Eridan: Start a new story.

You had a dream that might make the basis for something truly exceptional, if only you can dredge up the adjectives to make it work.

No one could say when the Goldhorn had come to Castle Angharad. No one could say, for certain, what it was he was; only that he was tall, and pale, and his eyes were the cold violet of crushed amethysts under water, and of the two jagged horns parting his black hair, one was wrought of gold. 

He did not age, that men could see. Generations had grown and passed in the stone crags of Angharad; the dark-armored sentries on the ruined curtain wall had never known a time when the Goldhorn did not dwell in his high tower facing east, its windows open year-round to the scouring of the elements. From time to time he would come down to pass among his subjects. The black throne in the drafty hall stood silent and empty except for once or twice a season, when he held court and heard cases and caused great banquets of baked meats and cold dark fruit to be raised for his courtiers.

He wore unrelieved black save for the vast purple stone on the third finger of his left hand, a lighter, more vivid color than the cold hue of his eyes. In the sharp curve of the stone a sigil had been carved and inlaid with gold: a stylized H, two curving lines arching away from one another, with a crossbar. Its significance, if in fact it had any, was lost to history. 

The Goldhorn, the maimed prince, held sway over all the land of Cariadoc, from the jagged teeth of the Grey Peaks in the east to the grasslands of the south, bordered on the west by the slow black waters of the river Nara and the impassable storm-scoured coastal cliffs to the north. His demesne was visited only by those who passed through on their way to brighter climes—or those who came drawn by the old, old stories that the touch of the Goldhorn’s pale hand would heal sorrow and hurt and the grief of a wound. Those who came seeking his aid often remained, part of his gloomy court in his crumbling citadel, and would not—or could not—say whether the legend was true.