Posts tagged brainbent

[Heads up! The inbox currently looks like this:

and that is just way too many 1’s to deal with right now.

I have temporarily shut the askbox in hopes that our new Yahoomblr overlords will introduce some kind of askbox navigation system and let us interact with the backlog more effectively.

It shouldn’t be too big a deal, since things are slow at the moment with all the Mods busy doing the lifey thing and I haven’t been able to draw in months. Whee!

Thanks for being so patient, and happy spring!]

CG: BEING ANXIOUS IS WHEN YOU CAN STILL TIE YOUR SHOES. HAVING A PANIC ATTACK IS WHEN YOU GET HALFWAY THROUGH THE FOX CHASING THE LITTLE RABBIT AROUND THE TREE AND REALIZE SOMEONE JUST SUCKED ALL THE AIR OUT OF THE ROOM AND YOU ARE HAVING A HEART ATTACK.

GG: the fox chasing the what?

CG: IT’S HOW MY MOM TAUGHT ME TO TIE LACES. GIVE ME YOUR SHOE.

CG: OK, LOOK, THERE’S A LOOP THAT’S A BUNNY AND ONE THAT’S A FOX, AND THEY CHASE EACH OTHER LIKE *THIS*

CG: UNTIL

CG: FUCK.

CG: OKAY, THEY SORT OF GO AROUND THE TREE AND THE RABBIT’S ALL LIKE.

GC: GOD DAMN IT.

CG: GOD *DAMN* IT. 

GG: i

GG: im really sorry karkat but i don’t think mister bunny is going to make it :(

CG: UH. WELL. WHATEVER, YOU GET THE IDEA.

CG: ANYWAY. ANXIETY FUCKING SUCKS BECAUSE IT STAYS WITH YOU ALL DAY LIKE A POOP SMELL YOU CAN’T SHOWER OFF AND MAKES YOU ALWAYS WORRIED LIKE YOU DID SOMETHING REALLY BAD YOU JUST CAN’T QUITE THINK OF AT THE MOMENT.

CG: AND THEN PANIC ATTACKS MAKE YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO CALL 911 OR RUN OUT OF THE HOUSE INTO THE SNOW WITH JUST THE ONE ONE SHOE ON SO YOU WON’T FUCKING DIE FROM IT.

CG: WOW, I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN’T HAD A BAD ONE IN ALMOST A WEEK.

GG: oh no!!!!!

GG: what if your bunny trauma just now brings it back? D:

CG: SCREW *THAT*

CG: I’M SWITCHING TO VELCRO. I’LL BE 1991 FROM THE KNEES DOWN AT ALL TIMES IF THAT’S WHAT IT TAKES.

GG: swoon!

TC: WhOoOoOa. :oO

TC: AnD yOu’rE sAyIn ThEsE jOkErS aRe AlL wAtChInG yOu AnD sTufF?

TC: DaNg, BrIgHtEyEs, ThAt’S bEiNg StRaIgHt Up CrEePy.

UU: ^u^

FUCKING SNOW WAS WHAT WAS OUTSIDE. SNOW. ON THE FIRST OF MAY.

AND IT DIDN’T STOP ALL NIGHT, OH NO. I HAD TO LISTEN TO LIMBS BREAKING FROM THE WEIGHT UNTIL *DAWN*. IT SOUNDED LIKE A BUNCH OF BACKWOODS HICKS SHOOTING SKEET OUTSIDE MY WINDOW IN BETWEEN BREAKS TO EAT MORE POOP AND METH SANDWICHES.

YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW MINNESOTA, I DIDN’T SIGN UP TO SPEND GODDAMN FIMBULWINTER IN THIS GOD-FORSAKEN SHITHOLE OF A STATE. NEXT THING THE MOSQUITOES WILL BE WEARING TINY PARKAS. THE TWO MOST SHITTY THINGS ABOUT LIVING HERE WILL FINALLY BE ABLE TO COEXIST RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW AND I WILL LOSE MY MIND FOREVER.

what, that ha2nt happened yet?

BELIEVE ME, CAPTOR. YOU’LL KNOW.

CG: HOLY SHIT, WHERE DID THE MONTH GO???

CG: OH, I REMEMBER NOW. I HAD TO HAVE A LONG LIE DOWN OVER THE FACT THAT IT TOOK UNTIL ***APRIL 26TH*** FOR IT TO FINALLY STOP SNOWING.

CG: CG: FUCK YOU, MINNESOTA. 

CG: ANYWAY, BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND:

CG: OH, ANON.

CG: ANON, ANON, ANON.

CG: THE QUESTION YOU SHOULD BE ASKING IS WHAT DIDN’T HAPPEN ON APRIL FOOL’S DAY.

CG: GATHER ROUND, MY FOUL LITTLE GRAYFACED GRUBLINGS, AND I WILL DESCRIBE TO YOU A VERITABLE CORNUCOPIA OF ANNOYING SURPRISES, A DAY WHEREIN NEW DELIGHTS UNFOLDED LIKE OBNOXIOUS, MANKY FLOWERS.

CG: A DAY IN WHICH MY RAGE VOMIT FLOWED LIKE A MIGHTY RIVER DOWN ST. LOBAF’S HALLWAYS.

EB: karkat ew!

CG: SHUT UP.

CG: AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED, EVERYONE’S FAVORITE FOUR-EYED BUCKTOOTHED PRANK WEASEL WENT ALL OUT. RED FOOD COLORING IN THE SOAP DISPENSERS. FUCKING WALL TO WALL DIXIE CUPS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH WATER IN THE MENS ROOM. HUNDREDS OF BALLOONS CRAMMED INTO THE LADIES ROOM. HE MUST HAVE BEEN PREPARING FOR MONTHS. 

CG: I’M SURE HE HAD A GRAND TIME JERKING OFF TO THE THOUGHT OF HIS PRANKSTER’S GAMBIT BEING IN THE HIGH MILLIONS WHILE HE CLEANED EVERYTHING UP.

EB: hahaha i wouldn’t do that in the ladies room!

CG: YOU LITTLE SHITGIGGLE. WAS IT YOU WHO GOT STRIDER TOO? IT WAS YOU, WASN’T IT. 

EB: hehehehe.

CG: I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN. YEEES, ANON, THIS DELUGE OF BULLSHIT BEGAN WHEN I WOKE TO DISCOVER DAVE’S SHADES HAD GONE TRAGICALLY AWOL IN THE NIGHT.

CG: BUT SOME GENEROUS SOUL DECIDED TO HELP A BROTHER OUT! FOR THERE, ON DAVE’S DRESSER, SAT A PAIR OF SPARKLY PURPLE STAR-SHAPED ELTON JOHN NOVELTY SUNGLASSES!

CG: AND OF COURSE DAVE WORE THEM ALL DAY LIKE NOTHING WAS OUT OF THE ORDINARY.

GA: I Saw Him Later With A Penis Drawn On His Forehead In Sharpie Marker

GA: When I Asked Who Did It He Whispered That He Was The Artist

GA: It Was Him

GA: With The Aim To Trick Everyone Into Thinking That Poor Dave Got Drawn On In His Sleep

GA: But Then Ms. Peixes Made Him Wash It Off With Her Makeup Remover

CG: PROBABLY BECAUSE HE WAS CHALLENGING TAVROS’ ROLE AS THE GAYEST PERSON IN THE ROOM.

CG: ANYWAY. EGBERT YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE DESERVING OF MY WRATH. TAKE, FOR INSTANCE, YOUR ROOMMATE, THE INCREDIBLE TALKING DICKPIMPLE.

EB: eww

TA: ii dont know what youre talkiing about, KK.

CG: OH FUCK YOU, I KNOW IT WAS YOU WHO PUT THE “LEAKED” MIDNIGHT CREW CD ON MY PILLOW.

CG: IMAGINE MY WONDERMENT WHEN I DISCOVERED IT CONTAINED THE DULCET TONES OF REBECCA BLACK.

CG: ***IT WAS SEVENTY-NINE REPETITIONS OF THE SAME FUCKING SONG.***

TA: ehehehe kiickiin iin the front 2eat.

CG: ASSLESS MC-CHAPS HERE ALSO DECIDED IT WOULD BE FUCKING HIL-HAIRY-ASS TO FUCK WITH ALL THE COMPUTERS. 

CG: IT WASN’T ENOUGH THAT ALL THE DESKTOPS WERE PICTURES OF NIC CAGE IN VARIOUS LASCIVIOUS POSES, OH NO. THESE DESKTOPS WERE ACTUALLY SCREENCAPS OF THE DESKTOPS, WITH ALL THE ICONS MYSTERIOUSLY HIDDEN.  

CG: MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLES BRO!

TA: yeah your face wa2 pretty priicele22.

CG: I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

CG: THE INFURIATING THING IS I MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO IGNORE THE IDIOCY TWINS AND FORGET ABOUT APRIL 1ST ALTOGETHER IF THE FUCKING STAFF HADN’T GOTTEN IN ON IT TOO.

CG: WV WORE PEPTOL BISMOL PINK FROM HEAD TO TOE AND PRETENDED TO BE PERPLEXED WHEN ANYONE ASKED HIM WHY HE WASN’T WEARING GREEN.

TC: hEhEhEH I tHoUgHt ThAt WaS fUcKiN fUnNy.

CG: WELL, YOU WOULD.

GA: I Saw Feferi Show Up Wearing Old Denim Overalls And A Flannel Shirt

GA: She Said Shed Switched Jobs With The Janitor

AT: dOCTOR pYROPE WAS OVERHEARD, cALLING THE ENTIRE AFFAIR, “AMATEUR HOUR”,

CG: YEAH, FUNNY THING ABOUT THAT. WE SPENT ALL FUCKING DAY WAITING FOR THE CACKLING RAINBOW TONGUE APOCALYPSE THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

TT: Maybe she wanted us to do the pranking for her.

CG: I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED.

CG: BY THE WAY, ROSE, WHEN IS THE BABY DUE?

CG: I WONDER IF IT WILL HAVE MARYAM’S EYES.

TT: I imagine Mother will be thrilled either way.

GA: Did You Really Tell Your Mother You Were Pregnant Oh My God

TT: Haha, no, don’t worry.

CG: HOW MANY FUCKING PEOPLE ENDED UP PREGNANT YESTERDAY ANYWAY?

TT: Mr. Nitram, I recall you mentioning you were going to marry a woman who was pregnant.

EB: hahah, and then he pulled out this little egg that Davesprite laid!

AT: hEHE, yEAH, iT WAS A LEFTOVER EASTER EGG,

AT: aLSO, i THINK YOU MEAN PETUNIA, nOT DAVEPSPRITE,

EB: nope! davesprite forever!

TG: i dont know about you but im finding this whole egg laying conversation to be kind of fucking disturbing

CG: WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE.

TG: ninja

CG: RRRGGGHHH.

TG: you should look on the bright side man

TG: at least nobody got hardcore pranked

TA: ehehe yeah none of you can top la2t year, AA told me 2he wa2 donatiing her haiir two lock2 of love.

TA: ii 2till haven’t recovered.

TA: and ii never wiill.

TG: yeah well this daycare shit aint nothin compared to april 1st at house strider

TG: year before last i woke up next to a blow up doll

TG: it was dick fucking cheney

TG: bro taped a note to his abs that said “today you become a man”

GG: D:

AT: D:{

EB: D:

TC: Do:

AC: :33 < DD:

CG: OH MY GOD.

TG: yep

CG: YEAH THANK GOD NOTHING LIKE THAT HAPPENED.

CG: I COULD STILL STRANGLE VRISKA THOUGH.

TG: oh god what did she do

CG: NEPETA, YOU SHOULD TELL THIS ONE.

AC: XOO < RRRGGGHHHH

AC: :(( she told me at breakfast that grumpy cat got hit by a car

TG: what

AC: :(( < she said the whole internet was in an uproar about it

AC: :(( < i was really upset!

AC: :(( < and then she started laughing and i got MAD

AC: :(( < and gamz33 gave her a really dirty look

AC: :(( < and she said “oh my god lighten up can’t you take a joke?!” and stormed off

GG: >:O

TA: what a biitch

GA: Yeah That Was Just Mean

AC: :// < she hasn’t purrought it up since

CG: TYPICAL.

EB: i, uh…

EB: so what other cool pranks got pulled?

TC: HeHeH yOu ShOuLd TeLl Em WhAt JaDe WeNt AnD dId.

CG: OH GOOOOD.

CG: AT LUNCH, I FOUND GAMZEE WANDERING AROUND WITH A CONFUSED EXPRESSION AND A BIT OF PAPER TAPED TO HIS BACK THAT READ “clap if you think i’m way too tall!! XD XD XD” 

CG: THEN HE SITS NEXT TO ME AND FROWNS AND SAYS “WHY’S EVERYBODY ALL APPLAUDING ME, BRO?”

GG: LOL!

GG: he noogied the hell out of me!

TC: i SuRe DiD. >:oD

TT: And then Equius had to pull you two giggling sillies apart and give you a lecture.

TT: While wearing a blue wig with pigtails.

AC:  :33 < h33h33 I wore that same wig in my nyan cat outfit!

TC: MoThErFuCk, MaN, iT wAs LiKe TrYiN nOt To LaUgH iN cHuRcH oR sOmE sHiT.

GG: oh god i knoooow

GG: i thought i was going to explode!

TC: YeAh I wAs TeLlIn ErIdAn AbOuT tHaT sHiT aNd He WaS aLl KiNdS oF pIsSy AbOuT iT, hAhA. tHaT pOoR mOtHeRfUcKeR sUrE dOeS hAtE aPrIl FoOlS dAy, I dOn’t ThInK hE eVeN cAmE oUt Of HiS rOoM.

CG: OH, THE POOR BUTTON.

CG: SO YEAH, ANON, THERE YOU HAVE IT. THE WHOLE SORDID STORY.

CG: I HOPE OUR SUFFERING AMUSED YOU.

EB: hehehehe

TA: ehehehe

EB: hey karkat

EB: hey karkat

CG: WHAT.

EB: you should look out the window right now

CG: WHAT? WHY SHOULD— OH GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.

TG: hahaha karkat tantrum bingo thats a good fucking idea

TG: you must be some kind of genius anon

GG: haha yeah! if we tried to keep a list of all the things that set that firecracker off we’d never get anything else done

TG: yeah bingos where its at

TG: just imagine it for a sec

TG: youre in a stuffy room with one of those horrifying avocado vomit carpets from the 70s that looks like it got sent here special from hells own interior decorating committee

TG: there are tables crammed with florida retirees 

TG: nobodys eaten in days

TG: nobody talks 

TG: they just stare at their cards

TG: and then out of nowhere the bingo caller says “movie novelizations” and everybody goes apeshit

GG: hahaha!

GG: “portmanteau celebrity couple names”

TG: “overuse of the word ‘actually’”

GG: “green olives on pizza”

TG: “when he loses a sock and finds it clinging to the inside of his hoodie a week later”

GG: oh noooo XD

GG: “the pattern on the rec room couch”

TG: hahaha fuck 

TG: nobody hates that couch more than karkat

GG: “when he trips on the cuffs of his jeans and then spends fifteen minutes complaining about the stupidity of clothing manufacturers!”

TG: hah 

TG: life is hard for a karkat