Posts tagged Vriska
Posts tagged Vriska
CG: HOLY SHIT, WHERE DID THE MONTH GO???
CG: OH, I REMEMBER NOW. I HAD TO HAVE A LONG LIE DOWN OVER THE FACT THAT IT TOOK UNTIL ***APRIL 26TH*** FOR IT TO FINALLY STOP SNOWING.
CG: CG: FUCK YOU, MINNESOTA.
CG: ANYWAY, BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND:
CG: OH, ANON.
CG: ANON, ANON, ANON.
CG: THE QUESTION YOU SHOULD BE ASKING IS WHAT DIDN’T HAPPEN ON APRIL FOOL’S DAY.
CG: GATHER ROUND, MY FOUL LITTLE GRAYFACED GRUBLINGS, AND I WILL DESCRIBE TO YOU A VERITABLE CORNUCOPIA OF ANNOYING SURPRISES, A DAY WHEREIN NEW DELIGHTS UNFOLDED LIKE OBNOXIOUS, MANKY FLOWERS.
CG: A DAY IN WHICH MY RAGE VOMIT FLOWED LIKE A MIGHTY RIVER DOWN ST. LOBAF’S HALLWAYS.
EB: karkat ew!
CG: SHUT UP.
CG: AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED, EVERYONE’S FAVORITE FOUR-EYED BUCKTOOTHED PRANK WEASEL WENT ALL OUT. RED FOOD COLORING IN THE SOAP DISPENSERS. FUCKING WALL TO WALL DIXIE CUPS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH WATER IN THE MENS ROOM. HUNDREDS OF BALLOONS CRAMMED INTO THE LADIES ROOM. HE MUST HAVE BEEN PREPARING FOR MONTHS.
CG: I’M SURE HE HAD A GRAND TIME JERKING OFF TO THE THOUGHT OF HIS PRANKSTER’S GAMBIT BEING IN THE HIGH MILLIONS WHILE HE CLEANED EVERYTHING UP.
EB: hahaha i wouldn’t do that in the ladies room!
CG: YOU LITTLE SHITGIGGLE. WAS IT YOU WHO GOT STRIDER TOO? IT WAS YOU, WASN’T IT.
CG: I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN. YEEES, ANON, THIS DELUGE OF BULLSHIT BEGAN WHEN I WOKE TO DISCOVER DAVE’S SHADES HAD GONE TRAGICALLY AWOL IN THE NIGHT.
CG: BUT SOME GENEROUS SOUL DECIDED TO HELP A BROTHER OUT! FOR THERE, ON DAVE’S DRESSER, SAT A PAIR OF SPARKLY PURPLE STAR-SHAPED ELTON JOHN NOVELTY SUNGLASSES!
CG: AND OF COURSE DAVE WORE THEM ALL DAY LIKE NOTHING WAS OUT OF THE ORDINARY.
GA: I Saw Him Later With A Penis Drawn On His Forehead In Sharpie Marker
GA: When I Asked Who Did It He Whispered That He Was The Artist
GA: It Was Him
GA: With The Aim To Trick Everyone Into Thinking That Poor Dave Got Drawn On In His Sleep
GA: But Then Ms. Peixes Made Him Wash It Off With Her Makeup Remover
CG: PROBABLY BECAUSE HE WAS CHALLENGING TAVROS’ ROLE AS THE GAYEST PERSON IN THE ROOM.
CG: ANYWAY. EGBERT YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE DESERVING OF MY WRATH. TAKE, FOR INSTANCE, YOUR ROOMMATE, THE INCREDIBLE TALKING DICKPIMPLE.
TA: ii dont know what youre talkiing about, KK.
CG: OH FUCK YOU, I KNOW IT WAS YOU WHO PUT THE “LEAKED” MIDNIGHT CREW CD ON MY PILLOW.
CG: IMAGINE MY WONDERMENT WHEN I DISCOVERED IT CONTAINED THE DULCET TONES OF REBECCA BLACK.
CG: ***IT WAS SEVENTY-NINE REPETITIONS OF THE SAME FUCKING SONG.***
TA: ehehehe kiickiin iin the front 2eat.
CG: ASSLESS MC-CHAPS HERE ALSO DECIDED IT WOULD BE FUCKING HIL-HAIRY-ASS TO FUCK WITH ALL THE COMPUTERS.
CG: IT WASN’T ENOUGH THAT ALL THE DESKTOPS WERE PICTURES OF NIC CAGE IN VARIOUS LASCIVIOUS POSES, OH NO. THESE DESKTOPS WERE ACTUALLY SCREENCAPS OF THE DESKTOPS, WITH ALL THE ICONS MYSTERIOUSLY HIDDEN.
CG: MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLES BRO!
TA: yeah your face wa2 pretty priicele22.
CG: I HATE YOU SO MUCH.
CG: THE INFURIATING THING IS I MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO IGNORE THE IDIOCY TWINS AND FORGET ABOUT APRIL 1ST ALTOGETHER IF THE FUCKING STAFF HADN’T GOTTEN IN ON IT TOO.
CG: WV WORE PEPTOL BISMOL PINK FROM HEAD TO TOE AND PRETENDED TO BE PERPLEXED WHEN ANYONE ASKED HIM WHY HE WASN’T WEARING GREEN.
TC: hEhEhEH I tHoUgHt ThAt WaS fUcKiN fUnNy.
CG: WELL, YOU WOULD.
GA: I Saw Feferi Show Up Wearing Old Denim Overalls And A Flannel Shirt
GA: She Said Shed Switched Jobs With The Janitor
AT: dOCTOR pYROPE WAS OVERHEARD, cALLING THE ENTIRE AFFAIR, “AMATEUR HOUR”,
CG: YEAH, FUNNY THING ABOUT THAT. WE SPENT ALL FUCKING DAY WAITING FOR THE CACKLING RAINBOW TONGUE APOCALYPSE THAT NEVER HAPPENED.
TT: Maybe she wanted us to do the pranking for her.
CG: I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED.
CG: BY THE WAY, ROSE, WHEN IS THE BABY DUE?
CG: I WONDER IF IT WILL HAVE MARYAM’S EYES.
TT: I imagine Mother will be thrilled either way.
GA: Did You Really Tell Your Mother You Were Pregnant Oh My God
TT: Haha, no, don’t worry.
CG: HOW MANY FUCKING PEOPLE ENDED UP PREGNANT YESTERDAY ANYWAY?
TT: Mr. Nitram, I recall you mentioning you were going to marry a woman who was pregnant.
EB: hahah, and then he pulled out this little egg that Davesprite laid!
AT: hEHE, yEAH, iT WAS A LEFTOVER EASTER EGG,
AT: aLSO, i THINK YOU MEAN PETUNIA, nOT DAVEPSPRITE,
EB: nope! davesprite forever!
TG: i dont know about you but im finding this whole egg laying conversation to be kind of fucking disturbing
CG: WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE.
TG: you should look on the bright side man
TG: at least nobody got hardcore pranked
TA: ehehe yeah none of you can top la2t year, AA told me 2he wa2 donatiing her haiir two lock2 of love.
TA: ii 2till haven’t recovered.
TA: and ii never wiill.
TG: yeah well this daycare shit aint nothin compared to april 1st at house strider
TG: year before last i woke up next to a blow up doll
TG: it was dick fucking cheney
TG: bro taped a note to his abs that said “today you become a man”
AC: :33 < DD:
CG: OH MY GOD.
CG: YEAH THANK GOD NOTHING LIKE THAT HAPPENED.
CG: I COULD STILL STRANGLE VRISKA THOUGH.
TG: oh god what did she do
CG: NEPETA, YOU SHOULD TELL THIS ONE.
AC: XOO < RRRGGGHHHH
AC: :(( she told me at breakfast that grumpy cat got hit by a car
AC: :(( < she said the whole internet was in an uproar about it
AC: :(( < i was really upset!
AC: :(( < and then she started laughing and i got MAD
AC: :(( < and gamz33 gave her a really dirty look
AC: :(( < and she said “oh my god lighten up can’t you take a joke?!” and stormed off
TA: what a biitch
GA: Yeah That Was Just Mean
AC: :// < she hasn’t purrought it up since
EB: i, uh…
EB: so what other cool pranks got pulled?
TC: HeHeH yOu ShOuLd TeLl Em WhAt JaDe WeNt AnD dId.
CG: OH GOOOOD.
CG: AT LUNCH, I FOUND GAMZEE WANDERING AROUND WITH A CONFUSED EXPRESSION AND A BIT OF PAPER TAPED TO HIS BACK THAT READ “clap if you think i’m way too tall!! XD XD XD”
CG: THEN HE SITS NEXT TO ME AND FROWNS AND SAYS “WHY’S EVERYBODY ALL APPLAUDING ME, BRO?”
GG: he noogied the hell out of me!
TC: i SuRe DiD. >:oD
TT: And then Equius had to pull you two giggling sillies apart and give you a lecture.
TT: While wearing a blue wig with pigtails.
AC: :33 < h33h33 I wore that same wig in my nyan cat outfit!
TC: MoThErFuCk, MaN, iT wAs LiKe TrYiN nOt To LaUgH iN cHuRcH oR sOmE sHiT.
GG: oh god i knoooow
GG: i thought i was going to explode!
TC: YeAh I wAs TeLlIn ErIdAn AbOuT tHaT sHiT aNd He WaS aLl KiNdS oF pIsSy AbOuT iT, hAhA. tHaT pOoR mOtHeRfUcKeR sUrE dOeS hAtE aPrIl FoOlS dAy, I dOn’t ThInK hE eVeN cAmE oUt Of HiS rOoM.
CG: OH, THE POOR BUTTON.
CG: SO YEAH, ANON, THERE YOU HAVE IT. THE WHOLE SORDID STORY.
CG: I HOPE OUR SUFFERING AMUSED YOU.
EB: hey karkat
EB: hey karkat
EB: you should look out the window right now
CG: WHAT? WHY SHOULD— OH GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
AG: Long story short? Pro8ation viol8tion.
EB: tell ‘em what were you on probation for.
AG: Assaulting an officer. Pig copped a feel.
AG: Anyway, I trashed my ankle monitor and hitchhiked to Mystic Lake with a fake ID. Apparently that’s not totally awesome.
EB: she managed to blow eight hundred dollars on blackjack before she got caught red-handed.
AG: In retrospect, 8lackjack is really not my game.
EB: yeah. i’d avoid cards from now on, if i were you.
AG: Anyway, that is how I found out that certain l8mers in the justice system can and do hold a grudge forever.
EB: how come they didn’t send you back to juvie, though. why here instead?
AG: Oh, I had a claustropho8ia attack when they put me in 8ack of the porkmo8ile.
EB: you’re claustrophobic too?
AAG: Not usually 8ut I was 8lazed off my ass and upset from losing the game and they cuffed my arm to my ankles with zip tie and I freaked out. So they took me to the hospital for o8servation instead of to jail, and I got railroaded 8y my court-appointed shrink and her asshole cronies just like they did to fish8reath over there with his dead cheerleader colum8ine jackoff fantasy.
EB: wait wait wait, you mean eridan? what?
AG: That’s what I heard on the derpvine. Tall dark and Potter wants to 8e a dangerous loner with a sniper rifle when he grows up.
EB: wow, i thought he was just, i don’t know. really depressed.
AG: You would 8e too if you couldn’t get any pussy even if you dressed up as a toilet seat >::::D
EB: dude, gross.
AG: Annnnnnnnd so here I am, and I guess it 8eats wearing 8eige with the rest of the gang-8anging wanna8es and freaks. If I’m a good girl and eat all my vegeta8les, I won’t have to serve any of my time after I get out of this place.
EB: Terezi will have to testify for you, right?
AG: Yeah, like I even 8elieve she’ll let me out of here. Not til she’s good and satisfied. 8ut she’ll get hers, Karma’s an 8-legged 8itch and its favorite flavor is teal. That’s all I’m saying.
TT: Is Terezi really the person who’s to blame for your situation?
AG: Uhhhhhhhh, duh?
TT: That seems like a stretch.
AG: Why, what’s Freud say a8out hating stuck-up 8itches who don’t even listen when you try to talk a8out your pro8lems and keep trying to push it all 8ack on you 8eing a8normal when it’s everyone else who’s really nuts?
TT: Well, it’s really not my place to say you have no right to feel disempowered and victimized, since being here was not your choice. I can’t say I share your experience or perspective, as I checked myself in after I had time to really think about what that would entail.
AG: And swig down a few more P8Rs for liquid cour8ge.
TT: Oh, really? Credit me with a bit more taste than that.
TT: But let’s not get into the relative merits of alcohol brands. What I mean is, even though you weren’t brought here by choice, why not make an effort to help yourself while you’re here?
AG: Hell no! And nice try with that whaddya call it thing, that… John, what’s that called? Where you put the answer in the question, like “have you stopped 8eating off in the 8ack of the movie the8r yet”?
EB: i have no idea what you’re talking about.
TA: iit’2 called beggiing the que2tiion and you have a lot of nerve briingiing moviie theater 2ex OR logiical fallaciie2 up agaiin2t another person EVER, but whatever.
AG: Fuck off, Printhethhhh. Grown-upthh are talking.
TA: blow me.
AG: Not interested.
TT: Sollux, please, I was attempting to make a point.
EB: hey captor wanna go make a snowman right in front of wv’s office window?
TA: 2ure, ii’m a toddler, that’ll be fun.
TT: Best of luck with your recess, boys. Don’t forget mittens.
AG: And st8y out!!!!!!!!
TT: Anyway, I sincerely don’t mean to offend you, or talk to you as if you’re a bad person. I don’t think you are. I just think you’re making a mistake that might cost you in the long run.
TT: You’ve been here how long without making any effort at all to work with the system? It just makes no sense to me. Is it just an issue of stubbornness over a matter of principle? Because I know you feel awful about your problems. You talk about it all the time, but you don’t actually deal with it in any meaningful way that I can see. Isn’t that something you could work on in therapy while you’re here anyway?
AG: No, fuck that and fuck you. There’s N8THING WR8NG W8TH ME!!!!!!!!
AG: Except for how fat I’m getting on this starchy-ass institution food. Look at my fucking jeans. Look. An honest to God muffin top.
AG: I’m so disgusting.
TT: You’re neither fat nor disgusting, and it’s incredibly rude and a low blow for you to conflate the two in conversation with me in full knowledge of my personal history.
AG: Oh right, plus you’re a chu88y chaser. I pro8a8ly look like a starving toothpick compared to what you’re into.
AG: Riiiiiiiight Kanaya? :::;)
GA: Leave Me Out Of This Vriska Your Bait Less Than Entices Me As I Find Body Shaming Uninteresting To Say The Least Since My Purgatorial High School Years More Or Less Covered The Entire Subject Ad Nauseum And I Am Fairly Happy To Leave It Behind Me Where It Belongs
GA: In Fact I Think I Will Go Assist The Children With This Anatomically Questionable Snowman Since I Dont Want The Kids To Have To See Anything Especially Traumatic When WV Opens The Shades Tomorrow
AG: Oh noooooooo, not the snow-dong! Their poor virgin eyes!!!!!!!!
GA: See You Later Rose
AG: OMG. G8G. I think I just developed 8ulimia watching the two of you flirt.
TT: Oh, stay classy, Vriska.
AG: Damn str8 I will.
AG: WHOOOOOOOOPS there I go again insulting the feminist hive vagina, gosh, I’m so 8ad. I didn’t mean to say ‘str8’.
TT: You know what? I’m honestly sorry for trying to engage you in a conversation. What was I even thinking.
AG: Yeah, wh8 were you th8nk8ng???????? I’m o8viously just a walking mist8ke, just give up like everyone else does and move on, why d8n’t you.
TT: Ah, yes. Give up on poor Vriska. That is definitely a thing that is happening en masse here, in the land of reality and privilege, where you are surrounded by paid experts whose job concerns the perpetuation of your health, happiness and safety, instead of being homeless and strung out on drugs or in prison somewhere showing your tattoo to a cellmate who never had the opportunities you had to straighten herself out. Poor, poor Vriska, no one cares about her at all.
AG: YAAAAAAAAWN. I feel a n8p coming 8n.
TT: You tell yourself everyone hates you, then you treat them badly until they stay away, and then you act like it was inevitable and throw a big public self-blame party when you could easily have people’s sympathy instead of their pity. It’s so obvious to me as an observer what you’re doing. It’s as if you want to be left alone so you can finally give up on yourself. I thought I could offer you a caring ear, but you’re not ready to hear it even from a friend, are you?
AG: Like really, WOW.
AG: That was such an epic 8urn!
AG: You should take Pyr8pe’s jo8. You’re even wr8nger than she is, and more c8ndescending to 8oot.
TT: I’m working on it.
AG: Well if you don’t mind, I’m going to go lie down and think a8out all these life-ch8nging things you’ve s8id. NOT.
AG: L8er, cracksnack! ::::P
TG: whoa hey watch the elbows lalonde i never did shit to you
TT: I’m sorry, Dave. That was completely uncalled for. I didn’t even see you coming through.
TG: im like the wind yo its cool
TG: i heard some of that shit with vriska by the way
TT: Oh God. I’m so angry right now. Was I horrible? I feel like I was horrible.
TG: mostly you were right except like
TG: you got help when you wanted it right
TG: would it have done you any good to have someone else make a big deal out of how lucky you are to be able to get help
TG: to guilt you into doing it
TG: like even five minutes before you decided on your own wouldnt that make you flip a shitfit and storm off
TT: You’re right. Of course you’re right.
TT: I was just taking out my anger on her for picking at me like that when all I wanted was to help.
TG: yeah well no judging from me i avoid her pretty much for that exact reason
TG: i am not paid to stick my head in the human woodchipper
TG: i saw fargo i know how this shit ends
TG: fuckin red snow from here to steve buscemis hidden basement cache of dead kids we all know he’s got somewhere is how it ends
TT: I guess so.
TT: Why do we intelligent people continue, in the face of our vast knowledge, to royally fuck ourselves over, again and again?
TG: man i dont know
TG: but being the grossest most corpsestrewn trainwreck on liveleak
TG: thats at least different than going up in a puff of smoke where no one sees right
TT: Possibly. I don’t know.
TT: There’s more I don’t know every time I turn around these days, it seems.
TG: youre just bummed because you think you have to know everything and fix everything to be worth anything
TT: Do you see me that way? Really?
TG: yeah kinda
TG: did i just stick my foot in it or
TT: No, I think you might actually have a point.
TT: Oh my god, I’m textbook codependent!
TG: well shit
TG: how are you gonna come out to your mom about that one
You’re badass and hardcore and everyone loves you. Anyone who is attracted to girls is attracted to you, and you strut your stuff every chance you get. Everybody thinks you’re the coolest thing to happen ever. Even cooler than sliced bread.
But at night when you’re lying there in bed in the dark and the quiet you have to acknowledge that screaming voice inside you. The voice of a small child crying. Because you are not Mrs. Badass Pir8, no matter how much you want to be, but you’ve become so entangled in your own web of lies that you don’t know who you really are anymore.
On nights like these you feel pain in your left hand and reach out to see what’s wrong before you remember that right, you don’t have a left hand anymore, whoops.
There was a time when you weren’t Mrs. Badass Pir8 and it was when you were young and stupid and alone. You clung to religion like a lifeline because that’s what it was; it was the only thing you had, the only thing that kept you going. It was so much easier to face the reality of the physical blows at home and the empty, ugly, friendless existence at school when you knew that all of those people would be sent to Hell for their sins and that they would rot there for an eternity. And you clung to that hope day after day as you faced your skinny body with the mismatched bruises and your limp, greasy hair and pimply face; as you faced the bullies who would push and shove and tear. You would cry and cry and cry like some sort of useless waterhose sprung a leak, and they would just stand there and laugh and laugh and laugh.
You didn’t understand why they hated you. You didn’t know what was wrong with you so you prayed to God every night, prayed long and hard and reverently, prayed that he would come and take you away from this awful place. Your staunch religious ways only caught you more hell from your parents, and they would yell and scream that there was no Jesus, there was no God, and you just took the blows and the words that felt like knives and you pictured them in Hell, burning, burning, burning.
Pa was back to his old, hateful self when you got back from the club that night; even before you walked in smelling of tobacco and vodka, you could hear the sound of breaking crockery echo from the kitchen. Mom, as usual, was pleading with him, begging for him to stop. It was working about as well as one would expect. There was a brief struggle for a moment, before you hear the sound of flesh striking flesh and something hitting the floor.
A pained groan reaches your ears. Hers.
You roll your eyes as you close the door.
You remember a time when just thinking about all of this made you cringe and feel helpless, but you’re beyond all of that now. Or so you tell yourself. If Pa was beating the living shit out of her, it was because she was letting him. That was how it had always been. You walk into the living room like nothing’s happening.
The place is a wreck, as usual. Whenever Pa was in one of his tirades, the whole house looked like an elephant tore through it. The coffee table’s been tipped over, the ashtray’s contents spilt out over the carpet. There’s a fresh rip in one of the curtains. Mom’s favourite cross, the one she had hung up when you first moved in, lies in splinters on the cold floor. And for some reason, the TV’s missing.
You take a seat in Pa’s favourite recliner, not caring whether he minded or not.
(I saw the ‘dESERVES TO BE HAPPY’ fan mix, and it made me want to make a playlist of my own. I put in all the patients and threw in Calliope and Tavros, and I hope it’s OK. :o) Warning: just about all of the triggers (all of them), especially including mental illness, self-hatred and other damn depressing things. I can’t provide a download link, I just picked the songs that I thought worked with the characters. Tavros gets an instrumental because I honestly couldn’t think of anything that worked for him, and then the one I picked just made so much sense, ‘cause the music sings without words, and it’s beautiful.)
1. Dave: Massive Attack- Dissolved Girl
Shame, such a shame
I think I kind of lost myself again
Really should be leaving but I stay
2. John: Cream- As You Said
Let’s go down to where it’s clean
To see the time that might have been
The tides have carried off the beach
As you said,
The sun is out of reach
3. Jade: Chris Corner- We Rise
I’m so lost
Living in a house of secrets
I know nothing of human weakness
I’m messed up, shaking the hands that blew it
Foolish come down
4. Rose: The Crystalline Effect- Poetry
It’s been a long, slow slide
To the depths of her soul
God, I wish I knew the point where she lost control
5. Karkat: KMFDM- You’re No Good
Gotta get a grip
My mind’s working overtime
Twisting in a tourniquet
Ticking like a timebomb
Another pound of flesh
Red alert emergency
I’m headed for a crash
Hello, hello I’m back again
Run run run, run while you can
Hello, hello I’m back it’s me
The mother load of misery
You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good
Misery follows me wherever I go
6. Nepeta: DyE- Fantasy
7. Eridan: Imogen Heap- Getting Scared
The only times in my life
The sun was meant to shine for me
You made it pour down, pour down with tears of rain
Who’s getting scared now?
Tell me, tell me how does it feel?
It feels so good from where I’m standing
8. Kanaya: Stromae- Alors On Danse
And you say this is the last time, because only death is worse
When you think everyone is OK and fine, nothing has happened
Ecstasy spells problems or it sounds like the music
It gives you a trip and you put your head in your hands praying for it to end
But it’s your body, not the heavens and you stop listening
Then you scream harder and it won’t stop
And so we dance
9: Sollux: The Birthday Massacre- Sideways
Falling to the floor
We’re watching sideways
As day turns to night
Ghosts in the walls
Through empty doorways
Like we’ve always been here
The painted hallways
Forever and always
Are lost to you
How can you criticise
When you’re not here to compromise?
Words fade as time goes by
Without you, without you
10. Aradia: Faunts- M4 Part 2
I have wondered about you
Where will you be when this is through?
If all goes as planned
Will you redeem my life again?
And I need you to recover
‘Cause I can’t make it on my own
11. Gamzee: Dragonette- Let It Go
Well if I were you, I’d look up
And find a place there in the sky where there’s room enough
To spread it out, and look ‘round
For where to land when you come down
We don’t need a cure for the weight of the world
‘Cause it’s floating ‘round in the universe
Just swing it like it’s tied by a string that you hold
and let it go
12. Vriska: Sneaker Pimps- Post-Modern Sleaze
Straw spun from gold, she craves a tortured soul,
All doom and gloom, she plays an open wound,
She takes every scene they steal,
She fakes every pain they feel,
She must be a Thelma or Louise,
She must be a post-modern tease
13. Calliope: Imogen Heap- Shine
I will not cry and I will not die, no
I will be there for me
I’ll be just fine if I stay all mine
I’ll shine, shine
14. Tavros: Santana- Samba Pa Ti
[modnote: no resident has access to lighters at Lobaf, but that was too minor a detail to de-canonize a great fic over it]
Your name is Dave Strider, and upon arriving at the loony bin, you had gone on strike. It was a very simple idea – you would not talk to anybody, because anything you said could be twisted around and used against bro.
Also, who the fuck wanted to talk to a bunch of nutcases. Your mind is a temple and will not be desecrated by these people’s ridiculous mental problems.
But slowly, ever so slowly, you felt yourself being forced into speaking. To Terezi, to Nepeta, to John, even to fucking Karkat of all people. Now you’re talking to anyone who wants a chat. Past You would hate Present You. But Present You is pretty sure you can handle it. You just need to watch what you say, to think about your words carefully. Don’t try to explain – just avoid, because explanations can come out wrong.
That’s your plan for the moment. You really hoped it doesn’t come and bite you in the ass. Earlier today you slipped up and told Terezi that you had walked in on bro and some skank when they were doing it on the futon in the living room – luckily you were able to pass it off as an accident and an isolated incident. Shit like that happens to every family, if sitcoms have taught you anything. But the slip still stings, and you need a cigarette. You need to find Vriska.
She likes most things about St. Lobaf. The people are the best part: funny and nice (or at least there’s always some nice people to be with) and her roommate will do puzzles with her as long as Nepeta will talk and pay attention to her. The food isn’t always good (though it’s not half as bad as Karkitty says) but there’s always options, so it’s not like a meal at her house where she would have to eat a bit of whatever her parents cooked (even if boiled spinach is horrible and slimy and catches in her throat, making her want to puke). Some things she can’t change, like the color and texture of the paint on the walls (this was an issue when she stayed with Kanaya)or the fact that there is a large jug of purple paint on the shelf next to the door of the art room, so she accidentally sees it more often than not.
But overall, she likes it. Because Nepeta makes her own bed, she never ever has to bother with any sheet besides the stretchy one that fits over the mattress, because sheets are scratchy and tangle in her legs when she rolls around, deep in the throes of a chase dream. Gamzee is tall and more than happy to cover the purple paint jug if she asks him, even if that one time he used his shirt, which Equius wasn’t happy about. She has Dave and Equius to hug and follow around and chatter to, and Sollux to wake out of deep dreams of chaos, and Kanaya and Rose to listen to the rhythmic click of their needles. She has Karkitty to admire from a distance, and John to giggle and laugh at. She has Jade, who is wonderful even though she’s a dog (hissss), because Jade’s at St. Lobaf to learn to deal with people and how not to say the wrong thing, and she and Nepeta occasionally talk and compare notes (and Jade gets it where Nepeta might not, so Jade explains, which is great).
She has her special favorites (Equius of course but also Dave and Karkitty and Kanaya and Vriska) but really they’re a family, and the best part of it is that the people at St. Lobaf are not like the kids at school. When they say she’s weird (the school kids) they used to say it like it was an insult, a bad thing (and they’d use other words too, words you’re not supposed to use because it’s not polite). But when they say she’s weird (people at Lobaf) they mean it as a compliment (John) or as an in-joke/reflection/compliment (Dave) or not at all, really, they’re just pretending to be tough (Karkitty). Even when Vriska says it, with a hint of malice and a condescending half-smile, Nepeta just smiles at her with a mischievous kitty smile and remembers late nights, stacks of puzzle boxes, and two roommates talking.
CG: NOT USUALLY. KIDS COME SEE DR. VALENTINE AT HIS DAY PRACTICE A LOT BUT THAT’S ALL IN A SEPARATE PART OF THE BUILDING. WE SEE THEM COMING IN THROUGH THE LOBBY SOMETIMES, THOUGH.
AG: Any of you seen Kreuger8a8y hanging around today?
TG: cold man cold
CG: MOST OF US HAVE THIS THING CALLED TACT WHERE WE DON’T IDENTIFY EVERYBODY WE MEET BY THEIR DISFIGUREMENTS.
TG: karkat talking about tact thats it pools closed everyone leave
AG: Hahaha, you are way too oversensitive.
AG: I get to talk a8out ugly people if I want, pretty sure you get that right when you lose your first major 8ody part.
CG: OH I’M SORRY ARE YOU EIGHT YEARS OLD AND FACING A LIFETIME OF RIDICULE OVER A FUCKED UP FACE YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER, I HADN’T NOTICED. CARRY ON SPREADING YOUR SHITBLANKET OVER THE WORLD WITH IMPUNITY.
EB: i have to be honest, i’d flip out if someone said something like that about casey.
AG: Ugh, it was a JOKE. You’re making way more out of it than I meant to say.
EB: it was mean.
TG: trouble in paradise guys lets just give em some room
AG: Well shit, I guess i fucked up AG8IN, what a surpr8se!
AG: SORRY FOR 8REATHING!!!!!!!!
EB: man i feel so shitty when she storms off like that.
TG: let her go dude that one is vol8ile with a capital 8
CG: AND JUST GENERALLY A PAIN IN THE ASS.
CG: SHE MAKES YOU FEEL BAD FOR BEING RIGHT AND STORMS OFF TO SULK. AND THEN SHE’S BE BACK IN 20 MINUTES ACTING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED.
EB: you know
EB: you could both try to be less jerky yourselves. vriska’s here for the same reason as the rest of us. she’s got problems too.
TG: its more like problems have her
EB: and you, strider. you have no room to talk.
EB: remember how you called me a bucktoothed smurftard the first time you talked to me?
CG: IT’S THE FIRST PAGE IN HIS LOOK HOW WITTY I AM COMMEMORATIVE SCRAPBOOK.
TG: who told you about the scrapbook
TG: fine ok were all assholes and we all need to be less assholey thanks for the heads up guys im gonna go get some chips
EB: good idea.
EB: i wonder what happened to that little kid. maybe i’ll ask wv about her.
TG: nah they cant tell you jack nor shit about another patient
CG: SHE PROBABLY GOT BURNED.
EB: jeez. i hope she’s ok.
TG: shes seein someone here aint she
EB: good point.
hey, let’s play how-many-characters-can-i-possibly-fit-on-this-piece-of-paper
(this AU is completely amazing by the way)
Shes getting her spooky on but they took away her eyepatch and members of the staff are currently chasing her down to get the toy sword back.
(One more, because I love this AU so much and was totally inspired. :) Residents group photo!)
~This was originally one longer story, but I’ve now broken it into 2. I’ll submit the other when it’s finished. Who’d have thought I’d relate so well to a stoner Juggalo?~
Nobody understands the miracles.
You know they laugh at you for it, but they can’t all be helpin’ that. You laugh when something’s funny, and it’s gotta be pretty funny to all be seeing a man staring at some tiny leaf or bug or any motherfuckin’ little special thing, calling it miracles. So you laugh, too. That way they’re laughing with you, instead.
You love being able to laugh with your friends.
You don’t quite get them, either, the way miracles to them gotta be huge shit like some brother all waking himself up after being dead. Yeah, that’d be one fuckin’ intense miracle, but that ain’t gotta mean that shit like the way the lightning bugs are all to be making their butts glow can’t be miracles, too.
If you made your butt glow, then maybe they’d think THAT was pretty motherfuckin’ miraculous.
Heh, that’d be pretty cool.
Still, you get kinda sad when you up and get thinking about how people keep waiting for miracles, when they’re all to being surrounded by them already. You get kinda sad when people like your best bro Karkat or your beautiful twitchybro Sollux can’t see they’re miracles, too.
You get kinda sad, because without your miracles, you woulda’ broken a long, long time ago.
Sometimes, when things get bad enough, and the nightmares all get scary enough, and your hands start shakin’ bad enough, you just gotta stop and smell the motherfuckin’ roses. Or look at how the trees keep changing and the stars keep up their sweet twinkling. Or taste a wicked confectionary. Or listen to the way you can make motherfuckin’ magic with those shaking hands and a guitar.
You really wish you could share with them, those moments when everything slips away and it’s just you and a miracle and the little slice of happiness pie that comes along with it. (You totally have to try and invent happiness pie. You know how fuckin’ sweet that shit’d be? Pun. Motherfuckin’. Intended.) You love them all so damn much it hurts, so it stings just a little bit when you try and share the things that work to all keep you happy, and they look at you like you’re crazy.
Well, you guess you gotta be pretty crazy to all be ending up in a place like this. You sure hope this ain’t what you’re here for, though. It’s the one thing you’re sure about yourself is sane.
Some of ‘em get it more than others. You can always be talkin’ to Tavbro about shit like this. He don’t ever laugh at you. He just gives you that slightly lopsided, gentle grin of his that makes all them little freckles scrunch together. You really motherfuckin’ love that. He sometimes really gets into it, too, especially when it’s all about some critter. He told you once it’s ‘cause he’s pagan, and they’re all to be thinking nature is something sacred. You like that, ‘cause it’s like paganism’s up and being a cousin to your beliefs. His is just a bit more naturey, while your pantheism is a bit more everything…y.
Windybro’s got his own brand of miracles. He gets sad he can’t show you too, sometimes, because he says he’ll get in trouble. But you let him tell you all about it, and he sure as motherfuck does tell you. His miracles are big ones, like being able to fly, but he sometimes gets interested in your little ones, especially when he can’t be figuring them out.
You still gotta ask Kanaya how socks are all being round and shit without any seam except in the toe.
Now THAT sister makes miracles, and don’t even realize it. She is gettin’ better, though, at letting herself be happy with her work, and she’s starting to be realizing that she’s got talent. It really gets your heart feeling all warm and fuzzy when you up and remember how it was when she was first to be getting here, and how she’s all changed since. You’ll miss getting to be her model and getting to feel all motherfuckin’ pretty all the time. You’ll miss her. But you came to terms a long time ago with the fact that miracles are fleeting. You’re hopin’ she’ll be happy out sharing hers with the world.
If Kanaya is all to be makin your heart happy, Eribro’s got to be motherfuckin’ breaking it. He’s so damn talented and shit, but so damn sad all the time. Somethin’ about dignity not being happy, or some poetic shit like that. He said it so much better, but it still made you sad. You’re not all to be liking dignity that much if it means you ain’t allowed to be happy. You try and act as undignified around him as possible, which to be honest ain’t all that motherfuckin’ hard. Maybe he’ll catch on.
You could go on all day about them. The way kittysis is to be loving little miracles like soft fur, but hissing at others, like when you wear your favorite purple shirts. The way little Striderbro can throw out some sick beats, but don’t much do it anymore on account of all being depressed about his bro. The way Rose is to be knowing what brothers are to be thinking like she’s one of the doctors, but can’t quite get her head around what her mom up and did to her. Even Vriska, scary and mean as she is, well…you gotta admit it’s pretty rad that a sister can all up and lose an arm and an eye and act like that’s totally cool.
Sometimes that bitchtits motherfucker WV is to be saying you spend so much time concentrating on other peoples’s miracles that you up and forget about your own.
Sometimes that’s wrong. Sometimes you remember, like when you and Jadesis are all to be jamming together. You get into it, and you know you’re good, and you know she knows. She’s good, too, and you can tell she’s enjoying it as much as you are. That makes you feel special, like you’re up and having a real bonding moment like some normal motherfucker. That’s a good feeling.
Karbro makes you feel good, too. He’s always helpin’ you out, like you actually matter to him. It’s rare you feel like you really up and matter to anyone, so it’s pretty motherfuckin’ special. He’s also good at reminding you that even when you fuck shit up hardcore, that you’re still a good dude. Sometimes you think you get through to him a bit, too, which gives you a little tiny bit of pride. You know he don’t hate everyone. You know he cares about ‘em as much as you do. You will get him to see it someday.
Speaking of fuckin’ shit up, Sollux still ain’t talking to you. Karbro gave you hope that you could have a feelings jam and get all that shit aired out, but you can’t fuckin’ do that if he ain’t talking to you at all. It really motherfuckin’ sucks, ‘cause Solbro is one of the best things you got here. You two go way back. He was here when you got here. You two watched all these other rad motherfuckers get here. You both watched the last batch leave. And fuck if he didn’t make you feel special in those miracle moments the two of you shared. You know he’s depressed, and you’ve seen him during some bad times before. It still sucks.
You guess WV was right. That was supposed to all up and be about you.
But sometimes you just feel like you ain’t as worth thinkin’ about as the other motherfuckers. It ain’t that you don’t try, but it’s hard and it kinda’ hurts.
Maybe later. Maybe. For now, you just sit back in the common room, look at all the motherfuckers, and smile.
Nobody understands the miracles, ‘cause they don’t know that the most important miracle is them.
Just finished a bit of fan-art. : ) This is Vriska Serket from the Homestuck AU ‘Brainbent.’ (Which is absolutely awesome). I’m not-so-secretly in love with Vriska (bluh bluh huge fan).
brainbent is a good au. i like to imagine that right before she really fell downhill, vriska got pregnant. and for a while she was happy, confused scared and downright unprepared, but happy. she’d treat this kid way different from how her mom treated her. her hopes got up, and went higher and higher untill…. she has a miscarriage. and then she really loses it.
CG: AND NOW SHE STEALS *MY* BACON. WHOEVER TOLD HER TO TRY IT CAN EAT MY LEFT ASS CHEEK.
CG: THERE’S YOUR DIETARY RESTRICTION.
EB: i thought you couldn’t have bacon. or is it just beef?
CG: I’M NOT A HINDU, EGBERT. MY MOM CAME HERE WHEN SHE WAS LIKE TEN AND THEN SHE MARRIED A REDNECK.
CG: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY COWS DIED SO THAT OUR BACKYARD BARBECUE ATROCITIES MIGHT LIVE?
EB: oh, sorry.
AC: :33 < my food is not allowed to touch and it cant have any visible salt or pepper crumbs
AC: :33 < i also wont eat anything red unless it is meat
AC: :33 < i have no idea why
AC: :33 < and i cant eat deep fried food because the crust looks too beige and upsets me
EB: no offense but that’s really weird!
AC: :33 < not really! remember that time someone brought in krispy kreme donuts and gamzee got upset?
AC: :33 < he was all like HOOOOOOOOONK
CG: SHUT UP HE’LL HEAR YOU.
AG: I’m not allowed to drink! What 8ullshit.
AG: I even shared!
AT: wELL YOU KNOW, tHERE IS A REASON, fOR THAT BEING A THING THAT WE DON’T WANT TO ENCOURAGE,
AT: sPECIFICALLY, tHAT IS VERY UNHEALTHY BEHAVIOR,
AT: aND IT INTERACTS BADLY, wITH CERTAIN MEDICATIONS,
AG: I’m not even oooooooon any medications! Well, okay, Prozac.
AT: sOME OF THE PEOPLE, yOU HAVE SHARED WITH, aRE, aND IT CAUSED THEM SOME PROBLEMS,
AG: 8H FOR G8D’S SAKE, I ALREADY AP8L8GIZED FOR THAT!
AT: aND, iT IS APPRECIATED THAT YOU DID, aND i BELIEVE YOU ARE GENUINELY SORRY, hOWEVER IT REMAINS A VERY GOOD REASON, fOR ALCOHOL NOT BEING ALLOWED,
AT: aLSO THE FACT, tHAT YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH, fOR IT TO BE LEGAL,
AT: aND IT INTERFERES, wITH THE GOAL, oF FOCUSING ON YOUR FEELINGS,
AT: rATHER THAN DRIVING THEM AWAY„,
CA: im thinkin about maybe becomin a vvegan
CT: D —> There is nothing wrong with Ampora’s choice
CT: D —> Many people prefer to avoid meat
CT: D —> I myself am a vegetarian
WV: THE BLUE SHIRT IS RIGHT.
WV: EVERYONE SHOULD EAT THEIR GREENS.